Did your first ride on the roller coaster of marriage ruin you for a second shot at the big M?
If your first marriage caused a little pessimism and shell-shock about hopping on any other attractions in the future, you might be tentative about new relationships. And that's understandable. However, divorced ThirdAgers often do find themselves in new relationships, contemplating the pros and cons of riding down the aisle once more. Here are some things to consider when thinking about giving marriage a second take.
Do You Still Have Motion Sickness?
Like getting off a coaster, many people exit their first marriage dizzy with confusion and emotions and are not quite able to find their balance. However, while it isn't an easy process to move from a "we" to a "me," it can often be a valuable opportunity to transform your life with more self-esteem, fulfillment and personal happiness.
If you haven't yet made the effort to recover from your divorce and rebuild yourself, another marriage may not be the best idea. After all, it's hard to be a healthy we if you aren't a well-rounded, stable me. And while the amount of time needed before remarrying differs from person to person, it's certainly more likely to be years rather than months.
Are You Getting On the Same Ride Again?Here's a fun fact: The divorce rate for second marriages is actually higher than for first-time unions. Why? Partially because many people jump right into a new twosome without taking the time to really process the high and low points of their previous partnership. Every experience in life teaches us something. Whether or not you know it now, you've already learned things about what you want and don't want in a relationship. It's important to now recognize and process those lessons. If the ride made you sick the first time, don't jump back on a similar one just for the sake of companionship. Do You Need a Seatbelt? Individuals entering second marriages are often further along in life, more stable in their career and have more assets and debt to consider. Because of that, it's important that you and your potential 'til-death-do-us-part-take-two partner have detailed discussions about what your union will mean financially and legally, as well as about how you'll merge your respective lives. The trend of prenuptials for second marriages is on the rise and these agreements can be an important tool for helping to first define your relationship, then to legally protect that union. Unlike first-time couples who often avoid talking about financial issues and divorce, second-timers know that sometimes it doesn't work out. It's critical that you acknowledge this and outline the legalities of your relationship in the case of death or divorce. Remember, when approaching the concept of marrying again, make sure you're stepping on the ride again for the right reasons. Then, be responsible in creating a scenario that will fare better than your first time on the coaster. If managed properly, any marriage -- even a second one -- can strengthen you as an individual and create companionship and family to enrich your life.