Although William and Sylvia Lafranchi are a staunch Democrat and Republican, respectively, they say they have made their "mixed" marriage work beautifully for 34 years.
The Lafranchis -- former Wilkinsburg residents who now live at Longwood at Oakmont retirement community -- have had their share of mostly good-humored disagreements over the years. But they never let it interfere with their love and respect for one another, say the couple, who gave their marriage an A-plus rating.
"I tell her she's wrong, and she says, 'No, you're wrong,' " Williams Lafranchi, 84, says jokingly.
"We disagree, but we don't sit and argue about it," says Sylvia Lafranchi, 90. She was the Republican mayor of Wilkinsburg from 1994 to 1998, and this is her second marriage. "When we were married, we both knew that we have different ideas about government, and learned to accept it. We love each other."
Although divorce rates in America are high -- as high as 50 percent of first marriages, 67 percent of seconds and 74 percent of thirds, according to the website Divorcerate.org -- in recent statistics from Rasmussen Reports, a survey of 1,000 Americans showed that 85 percent rated their marriages excellent or good. Specifically, 56 percent of married adults called their marriages excellent, 29 percent call them good, and only 1 percent called their married lives poor. More than three-fourths of respondents -- 76 percent -- said that marriage is at least somewhat important as an institution in society.
Terri L. Orbuch, an author and psychologist known as "The Love Doctor," says that the amount of people raving about their marriages seems high, but people who volunteer to respond to surveys like this tend to be happier, she says. Orbuch -- author of "5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great: Discover the Secrets of Marital Happiness" -- says she is not surprised by how many people rank marriage as important.
"For the majority of people, marriage is still important to their overall well-being and life," Orbuch says in an e-mail.
Couples interviewed, including the Lafranchis, cited shared activities and spending quality time together as an important part of a happy marriage. Though each partner should allow each other their own space, say the Lafranchis, and Stephen and Diana Swigart.
The Swigarts, of Salem, not only share their fitness passion and work out together, but the husband doubles as his wife's personal trainer. The couple, who have been married 26 years after previous marriages for each of them, go to Fitness 1440 in Delmont together several times a week.
"Working out and training together has been a bonding experience," says Diana Swigart, 66. "We've always had a mutual respect for one another and have supported each other. ... It's just been a very, very happy, blessed time for both of us. We just feel so fortunate."
Stephen Swigart, 66, says that he and his wife do so many things together: both fun activities, and simple activities like yardwork, housework and going to the store. Yet, they have healthy boundaries, and nurture activities and relationships outside of the marriage, instead of smothering each other, they say.
"The operative thought here is, we have good balance to our lives," Stephen Swigart says.
Their son, Christopher, recently got married, and told his parents that he wants his marriage to be like theirs.
"It's very flattering when your kids tell you they want to be just like you," Stephen Swigart says. "We must have done something right."
What's their advice? The Swigarts say it is important to make sure you and your mate share the same values, and that you're getting married for the right reasons.
Matthew and Tameka Buchak of Arnold say their Christian faith, and the tragedies they have endured, have helped to strengthen their eight-year marriage bond. Last year, Tameka Buchak's sister, Lynna Flippen, was murdered. The Buchaks took in her nephew -- Esau, 5 -- and are raising him as their own. Meanwhile, the child's father, Terrence Graham, was convicted last month of Flippen's murder and another homicide.
Through tragedy, Matthew Buchak says, they have learned to appreciate each other and life more than before.
"You really look at things as gifts from God," says Matthew Buchak, 32. He and his wife were high-school sweethearts, and endured almost two years of separation as they served in the Army Reserves.
The couple have three biological children: Maliq, 5; Makiah, 2, and Mylah, 5 months. Mylah had a twin, Meah, who died soon after birth, another tragedy that brought the Buchaks closer together. Communication and sharing feelings is important, they say.
"If we were not good communicators, we would not have made it through it," says Tameka Buchak, 33. She calls her husband her No. 1 fan.
Matthew Buchak, assistant principal at North Allegheny Senior High School in McCandless, credits faith and prayer for much of the marriage's success.
"We give praise to God, and we pray about everything," he says. "We try to stay on the same page."
Author and psychologist Terri Orbuch offers these tips for a happy marriage from her 2009 book, "5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage From Good to Great: Discover the Secrets of Marital Happiness."
She says happy couples:
-- Understand each other's needs and rules for marriage. Share your expectations with each other. Write down your top two, and switch papers with your partner.
-- Feel affirmed and noticed by their partner. Do small things to make their partner happy, like compliments and affection.
-- Know what makes each other tick. Get to know each other's intimate worlds by talking about feelings, life dreams, values and the like.
-- Focus on the good; don't focus on what is wrong in the marriage.
-- Don't let boredom set in or stay in a relationship rut. Shake things up by switching roles, playing hooky from work to do something fun, trying a new hobby.
Source: yellowbrix
