QUESTION: I found your article How Male Menopause Affects Families to be very interesting, and it truly describes my husband's mental state. I have tried to get him into counseling and on medication. He is destroying everything -- and everyone who cares about him. My question is, do I give him an ultimatum, or should I just nag him to death until he seeks help? After 27 years of marriage, I have just about given up on our relationship. It's very sad.
ANSWER: Male menopause is very painful and confusing for men and women, and there is a tendency to blame ourselves or our partner. You need to recognize that this isn't your fault -- nor is it his.
Men going through this difficult change of life often feel that the very core of their masculine identity is at risk. For many men, even acknowledging that there is such a thing as male menopause makes them feel even more vulnerable. As a result, most men will deny there is any problem at all, and it is often women who contact me first.
Fortunately, I've found that even one committed person can get the ball rolling, and I urge you to take this path. I help women change their attitudes and behavior so that they are protected from their male partners' acting out. At the same time, I begin to help women approach their men in such a way that the men can move through the stages of denial and recognize their need for help.
