SEX DURING MENOPAUSE

Hi there! All of my fellow travellers through Menopause (“The Change”).

Many of you are probably like me and are having difficulty coming to terms with a diminished libido. My interest in sex is most of the time nonexistent though it was not always so.. This was putting a strain on my marriage from the point of view that whilst my husband is very good and tries to be understanding and patient, I feel guilty. I love him very much, but unless I am totally aroused sexual intercourse becomes just an act at best and painful on occasion. He gets his “Jollies” but as I, until recently, used to have really great orgasms, am sure he too is concerned.

Now, what have we done to turn this around? Doctors have suggested HRT and other medications to help with the dryness and the tendency for my vagina to tear. He is a “BIG MAN” so need I say more. After searching the internet at length I realized that perhaps what we needed was more foreplay. Lots more foreplay!! With this in mind we set aside a whole afternoon for experimentation. As it turned out I became aroused quicker than I expected.

We showered together and I allowed him to caress the non erogenous parts of my body. It was necessary for me to let him practice at being much lighter to the touch as he, whilst always being a gentle lover, was not used to the feather light touching needed to relax me.

We then went into the bed room and I made my self comfortable lying face down
naked. He continued the gentle fingertip caresses up and down my back, across my shoulders, down my arms. Eventually he brought in more parts of my body by running his fingers of one hand up and down my legs all the while using the other to continue on my back. Slowly, and gently he allowed his hands to caress my buttocks as well.

Back and forth his hands moved, lulling me into a relaxed state close to sleep. Eventually he slid his finger down between my slightly parted legs and brushed the tops of my pubic hair. His hand then continued on down my legs then back again to touch the hair and on up my buttocks and back to my back. This he now repeated over and over with more and more time being spent touching just my pubic hair initially but with a slight move from me to allow better access ( I opened my legs a little) he began gently running his fingers along my labia as well. All the while the rest of my body was still being oh so gently caressed. I was almost ready to fall asleep but, the sensuality of his caresses also had other feelings at last beginning to rise within me. I positioned myself to allow more room for his fingers and got him to apply some gel to his fingers. He, continued caressing my back with one hand and now used the other to gently rub my labia and clitoris. All the sensations and desires flooded back and he gently slipped his well lubricated finger inside me. Stroking it back and forth in time with the other hand sliding along my spine. Once upon a time I would have had him put more than one of his very thick fingers inside but now I seem to tear too easily and that would have spoiled the moment.

I rolled over and he continued his finger action inside me and used his other hand to alternately fondle my breasts and my clitoris. At this point I was able to reach out and take hold of his erect penis and begin to stroke it in time with his finger in me. We were by now very aroused and close to climaxing. On this our first time at such extended foreplay I climaxed first. It was the first really good orgasm for several months. I got my “Jollies” and my dear husband got his too eventually though this time not inside me.

That first time really lasted some time but who cares how long so long as it was good for us both eventually. We now practice this extended foreplay as the norm and except for the occasional slipup when the gentle caressing has actually put me to sleep we once again have a good sex life. It is different to before when spontaneity was the way but perhaps that will also return.

So ladies, talk to your partners and get them to understand how to help you return to the roll of being more than a cook/housekeeper. Get him to read this or write down your version of how you wish it to be done. Perhaps read some erotic and sensual text to begin with, we find that works also. The thing is, don’t give up.
Jessica M.