Mental Resilience: Bouncing Back From Adversity

The Power of Resilience

Sel Ledermen, Ph.D., a psychologist in private practice in Manhattan, defines resilience as "the ability to decide that you want to be your best and that you can deal constructively with the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune." He points out that in bouncing back from adversity, you may not get exactly where you want to be. Instead, Ledermen says that resilience is the ability to decide that no matter what happens to you, you're going to learn from it. "Resilient people accept responsibility for their life and their choices, and they understand what's gone wrong so they can fix it."

Resilient people are better able to cope with what life dishes out, because they learn to deal with present stressors as well as future adversity, adds Robin Dee Post, Ph.D., a Denver psychologist. They are able to bounce back from stresses in an adaptive, active, healthy way, Post explains. They feel effective and powerful, not helpless. After dealing with loss, trauma, or stress, resilient people can refocus on what's ahead without feeling overwhelmed or allowing past events to have a negative impact.

A Lesson in Resilience

My husband and I learned the value of resilience first-hand when the merger-mania of the crazy 80's cost him his job just weeks after his company had transferred us to a new location hundreds of miles away from our friends and family.

We suddenly found ourselves alternately dazed, despairing, and panicked with three small children, a stack of bills, no health insurance, no income, and no idea how we would manage. Sleep became a desperately-needed yet elusive escape. We alternated between a sense of dread and a sense of hopelessness as we sought ways for him to get his job back. I developed a bad case of bronchitis; he became listless and lethargic. We were both irritable and moody.

It wasn't until we began to look forward rather than back that the unbearable weight began to lift. Focusing on opportunities rather than on our loss allowed us to begin moving ahead. We began setting new goals. We re-evaluated our priorities. This made things infinitely better for our entire family.

It's been a long, nerve-wracking, and sometimes frightening climb. We've taken missteps here and there, but we've learned and grown more in the last decade than we ever would have thought possible during those first, horrible months. Since then, we've waded through smaller financial setbacks and subsequent career decisions. We are currently rearranging our lives to cope with a loved one's sudden and devastating disability. Our parenting skills are constantly challenged by two teenagers and a preadolescent. The lessons in resilience we learned all those years ago are still helping us cope today.

Learning Resilience

Forging ahead is just one part of resilience, Ledermen explains. Learning, religious beliefs, moral beliefs, and family beliefs are all essential elements of resilience, he explains.

Ledermen believes that resilience can be learned, although some people may be more innately resilient than others and that life experiences contribute to our innate degree of resilience. It's important not to blame ourselves for mistakes we've made along the way. "We're all more capable than we think we are," he says, "but we're also all capable of screwing up."