The Power of Saying No

By Robin Westen

You may be feeling overwhelmed with family responsibilities, health problems, work issues, household chores – and then someone asks you to do a favor. Your inner voice is screaming NO! NO! NO! But what do you answer instead? YES. Sound familiar? Taking on more than you can or really want to handle, can cause misery and stress.

To stay happy and healthy, learn to say NO! Here's how to do it:

Set Priorities Take a look at your current obligations and overall responsibilities. Ask yourself: Is this new commitment really important to me?” If it's something you feel strongly about, by all means do it. If not, take a pass.

Weigh the Stress That Comes With Yes Is this a long or short term commitment? For example, making a batch of cookies for the community center’s bake sale will take far less time than heading up the fundraising committee. Don't say yes if it will mean months of added stress. Instead, look for other ways to pitch in.

Kiss Guilt Goodbye Don't agree to a request because of feelings of guilt or obligation. Remind yourself that going this route is a sure-fire way to add stress and resentment to your life.

Sleep on It No matter what you’re asked to do, before you give your answer take a day to think about the request and how it fits in with your current commitments.

Just Say No! It’s powerful but don't shy away from the two letter word. If you use substitute phrases, such as "I'm not sure" or "I don't think I can," it can be interpreted to mean that you might say yes in the future.

Make It Short State your reason for refusing the request, but don't go on about it. Avoid elaborate justifications or explanations.

Tell the Truth Don't fabricate reasons to get out of an obligation. The truth is always the best way to turn down a friend or family member. Chances are they will understand completely.