Dr. P. Sándor Gardos
Staff Sexologist, MyPleasure.com
Q: I have totally lost interest in having sex with my partner. He is frustrated by the fact that I never initiate sex and seem to
simply "go through the motions" of having sex with him. However, I was recently diagnosed with a serious health condition and am losing vision in one of my eyes as a result of this illness. Could this new diagnosis have anything to do with my loss of interest in sex?
A: Loss of sexual desire is the most common complaint heard in sex therapy and other counseling offices. Lack of (or decreased) sexual
desire can impact the way that people feel about themselves as sexual human beings, as well as how they feel about their relationships.
Many things can affect our sexual desire. In fact, changes in desire are usually associated with physical/hormonal changes, which can be affected by age or medical conditions. Sexual desire can also be greatly affected by our psychological well-being. Feelings of sadness, depression, stress and anxiety can definitely decrease our interest in the bedroom.
It sounds like your recent diagnosis could have some influence on your sexual desire. Receiving such news can result in feelings of shock,
disbelief, anger and sadness. All of these feelings can have a negative effect on sexual desire.
Depending upon the nature of your physical condition, you may also be experiencing changes in your body such as pain or fatigue. Physical discomfort certainly does not encourage sexual desire. In addition, you may be taking new medications that could be affecting your sexual interest.
A suggested plan of action may be the following:
1. Talk with your partner about this matter. Keeping up the communication is essential! Let him know how much you love him and enjoy being sexual with him, and that you would like to work toward recapturing your sexual drive. This lets him know that being physically intimate with him is important to you.
If you and your partner are open to the idea, it also may help to see a counselor or therapist to help jump-start this part of your relationship. However, if you feel that your communication has been OK and that your relationship is not in danger, this may not be necessary.
2. Talk with your doctor about your decrease in sex drive. Ask whether or not it could be caused by your medications or the condition itself. It can be hard to bring up this topic with your doctor, but remember that physicians hear this type of discussion quite frequently.
3. Pay attention to your feelings. Are there times when your desire seems to be more apparent than others? Try doing things that have made you feel sexy in the past (wearing sexy clothes, using perfume, lighting candles) and see if they put you in the mood. Sometimes small changes in our behavior can help swing us back into feeling sexy again. The point of these exercises is to start to get you in touch with your thoughts and feelings around your sexuality.
Hang in there with the changes in your life and remember to ask tons of questions of your medical providers. Thanks for your question and good
luck!
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