Making monogamy work doesn't mean sticking to each other like glue. Here are some tips for the long haul from therapists and longtime married couples.
#1. Take separate vacations. "Going away on your own gives you and your partner the experience of autonomy and also allows you to reflect on your marriage," says therapist Michael Guinzburg of Los Angeles, Calif.
In addition, taking separate vacations allows partners to pursue interests that are vital to each of them. "I love opera and classical music, but my husband isn't interested," says Sally Schubert of Dana Point, Calif. "When we took vacations this year, he went fishing with friends to Alaska and I went on a 10-day tour of European cities with famous opera houses and heard some great music."
#2. Realize that marriage is cyclical, and just like every other relationship, it has its highs, lows and boring parts.
"If you feel bored in your marriage, use this feeling as a chance to examine what is strong about your marriage and what you could make stronger," says therapist Sherry Roos of Los Angeles, Calif. "Also look at what your goals are as an individual and discuss your goals as a couple with your partner," she says. "Your answers to making monogamy work lie within."
#3. Be proactive about marital troubles and go for joint counseling with a therapist or with clergy.
"Seeing an objective and trained professional can help you avoid negative actions and conversations and help promote cooperation in solving your problems," says Sylvia Copon of Los Angeles, Calif. "Getting short-term or long-term help from a professional is an act of strength and it helped my marriage a lot."
#4. Surprise your partner at least once a week. Cook something special, give a spontaneous shoulder massage, send flowers at work or have sex somewhere other than the bedroom, suggests Anita Hopkins of South Pasadena, Calif.
"You can make monogamy an adventure if you use your imagination," she says. "Who wouldn't love to have a partner who is generous with surprises? It makes life, marriage and sex more colorful and amusing."
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Learn how meditating with your partner can bring you closer together at Couples Meditation.
