I was once very open to sex, but after 32 years of marriage, I don't want sex anymore. I work hard, I'm very attractive and I don't smoke. Our children are grown and out of the house. What is going on? --K.
Dear K.,
Very often, after we've had our children, we women go back to work with a vengeance. We put in long hours, then come home to more hours of creating and maintaining a sanctuary in our home. You may be absolutely enjoying yourself, but it does make for a long, often exhausting, day.
At the same time, we are gently aging. Our testosterone and estrogen levels are dropping. (Testosterone gives women energy and sexual vitality as it does for men, though women need a much smaller amount of the hormone.) There are, however, new drug therapy products coming on the market, designed for just the symptoms you describe. Speak to your doctor if this is an avenue that appeals to you.
Other options include adding an exercise program that you enjoy to your life, taking more personal time for yourself and not working so much.
Try creating sensual times with your husband that aren't necessarily sexual. Be playful and innocent; it doesn't have to go anywhere as long as you enjoy touch, massage and cuddling. Try spooning together. Lie with your back to his front like two spoons in a drawer and breathe together for five minutes. This is very rejuvenating and intimate.
You and your partner may also want to experience a weekend Tantra workshop. They help introduce a tremendous amount of new sensual energy into relationships.
I highly suggest that you practice your PC or Kegel muscle exercises. Being proficient at these enhances blood flow to your pelvic floor area, keeps you toned and actually helps to build your sexual energy. They can be done anytime -- while driving or watching TV -- and they feel great. Work up to 200 a day.
Finally, don't be too hard on yourself. Many women experience a lack of libido as they age. It's an excellent time to reflect on what is truly important in our lives and to act upon it.
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Learn about Kama Sutra, Tantra and other sexual disciplines from Suzie Human at Tantra.com.
