I was taught that the giving and receiving of oral sex was WRONG! My husband has asked me for years why I don't want to try this. Am I missing something enjoyable? --R.
Dear R.,
Tantra teaches us that personal growth is possible when we risk our beliefs and try something new. I applaud you for even asking the question. You are being courageous!
Many of the things we learn as children and adolescents come from the wisdom and experience of our elders and are meant to do us good. Yet, in general, Western cultures have much healing to do around the issues of pleasure and sexuality.
Pleasure is your birthright. The clitoris on a woman is there only for pleasure -- it has no other purpose. During intercourse, it isn't stimulated much on most women. It needs direct attention, and there isn't anything more wonderful than a partner who's willing to give you that attention.
Try to receive this gift. This will be a difficult task, but I am sure that you will love the outcome! You are indeed missing something wonderful and not nasty at all!
Further, I encourage you to consider honoring and surprising your husband by giving him oral sex. There are many books and videos that are in very good taste that can teach you some basics. Many women love giving oral sex and I encourage you to find out if you are one of them!
Make the experience special by setting aside a long evening, lighting candles and putting on some great music. Have a little fruit and chocolate by the bed, for feeding each other. You may even want to have a tiny bowl of room-temperature hot fudge to put on your husband. That could help you get started and really add spice to the experience.
Tease him and make him last. Don't let him go over the top too soon. You are in control -- enjoy it while you've got it! Be playful and vulnerable. Let your partner know how you're feeling. And have fun!
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Learn about Kama Sutra, Tantra and other sexual disciplines from Suzie Heumann at Tantra.com.
