Dear Suzie, My husband has been exposed to this way of life, and I wondered how to accept his new self and lover without it destroying our family and two children. I do not want to divorce, and would like to try a path of acceptance to try and understand his transformation. We are talking about a good man and a good father. Any suggestions? -- W.
Dear W., I'm not sure what you mean by "this way of life."
It sounds to me that your husband is asking for a polyamorous relationship. Poly means many and amorous means love. Many loves is not what Tantra is about. It's about opening up to the state of being love.
While it's true that a few Tantricas explore multiple relationships, it is not a Tantric principle, per se. Tantra is a path to healing and personal enlightenment. Some sects of Tantricas are actually celibate.
Western Tantra most often focuses the sensual and sexual nature on the partner. That partner is seen and held as the universal image of God/Goddess that we all represent. Tantric practices can include everything from meditation, yoga, breath work, personal growth, and risk-taking to push our comfort zones, sensual and sexual techniques, awareness, universal consciousness and more.
The partner experience takes the energy the individual has mastered in these areas and provides another vehicle for further growth and exploration. The depth that the couple is capable of reaching together is often unlimited.
I maintain that this energy and experience is available to you and your husband. In spite of your situation, you could have at your fingertips the makings of an extraordinary relationship. Good communication is the first thing you need to look into, and I suggest you find a good therapist.
Really explore your husband's needs, and identify your own. Generally, husbands and wives are not far from each other's ideals as partners -- they just haven't recognized this fact because built-up frustrations move them farther and farther apart.
Our Western culture doesn't train us in relationship expertise or sexuality techniques. We each invent it for ourselves. Thus, the good news is that you are free to reinvent your partnership.
Engage your partner in that possibility. Risk telling the whole truth to each other in vulnerable ways that open doors instead of closing them. Anything is possible!
Learn about Kama Sutra, tantra and other sexual disciplines from Suzie Human at Tantra.com.
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Understand the etiquette involved in introducing your new partner to your family.
