By Dr. P. Sándor Gardos Staff Sexologist, MyPleasure.com
Dear Dr. Gardos, I recently walked in on my husband masturbating. Is this normal? I don't think there is anything wrong with masturbating if you are alone, but what if you have an eager and willing partner? I used to think our sex life was great, but this makes me feel like something must be wrong or that he is not satisfied with me. -- Feeling Left Out
Dear Feeling Left Out, Your feelings are common and natural, but you need to understand that men masturbate for all sorts of reasons, even if they are completely happy with their partners.
It is completely normal for a married man to masturbate -- and most do. It is a safe and healthy way to add variety. As a matter of fact, those men and women who fantasize and masturbate the most are the ones who report having the most satisfying sex lives with their partners. And it might make you feel better to know that men most commonly fantasize about their current partner while masturbating.
The fact that your husband masturbates does not mean he does not love you or is not attracted to you, and it is unlikely that he is masturbating instead of having sex with you. Sometimes men (and women, for that matter) just want to have a quick orgasm or relieve stress without worrying about pleasing their partner. It is similar to just wanting a quick bite to eat to relieve hunger, as opposed to preparing a full meal.
If this is really bothering you, tell your husband that you would be happy to help him masturbate when he feels like it. You may have "walked in on" him because he feels the need to hide, but both of you might feel better if you removed this aspect of shame and secrecy. You could even watch each other masturbate -- many couples find this to be a very exciting part of their sex lives. But almost everyone likes to masturbate by him or herself at least occasionally. This, in and of itself, is not a reason for concern unless you make it one.
