We all know that couple. The one that's always bickering, never content -- yet somehow it seems that they will always be together. Then, out of the blue, one of the pair plays the divorce card, leaving the rest of us wondering what knocked them off the fence.
It's true that these days in particular, with the world in a chaotic state, many relationships are finding themselves unbalanced. And in a time where partnerships, friends and family seem so important, there are still thousands of separations and divorces happening every day. So the question remains, what triggers an individual to wave the relationship surrender flag?
Eyes Wide Open Too often, life becomes a hamster wheel of routine where we go through our days on autopilot, without taking time to re-evaluate our world. So when a tragedy like that of Sept. 11 strikes, it stops us in our tracks. Suddenly we are paying more attention to the people and relationships in our lives.
Sometimes, this phenomenon can be a catalyst toward better appreciating those we love. Other times, the realizations that accompany this heightened awareness highlight the components of a relationship that aren't healthy, beneficial or emotionally rewarding. When events remind us that life can be short, it is natural to want to make the best of every day. This may mean moving past a relationship that isn't satisfying.
It's Contagious So that "not so happy" couple gets divorced. Suddenly, other couples in our circle of friends start to follow the trend. What gives?
As mentioned above, it is easy to get caught up in the familiarity of our surroundings without paying attention to details. When this landscape changes as another couple splits, we wake up and take stock. In the same way that we never thought about buying leather pants until we saw them in the store window, a divorce in our vicinity can catch on like a fad.
The Grass Is Greener Affairs don't always lead to divorce, but when they do, it isn't usually about the actual act of adultery so much as the realization that something exists outside of one's four walls. An event, person or activity snaps us into reality and makes us assess the value of our current life. Is the grass greener on the other side? Who knows? But the question itself has led to countless divorces and separations.
Don't wait for a trigger like the ones mentioned above to take action in regard to the maintenance or dissolution of your relationship. It is critical that we constantly pay close attention to the balance and quality of our relationships. Communicate frequently to get past the routine and really connect with your partner in evaluating the status of your partnership. In the end, you may still decide that being apart is better than being together, but at least you made it together and proactively instead of reacting to events or situations around you.
To participate in an interactive discussion on marriage and divorce and to ask Courtney Knowles your personal questions, visit the Ask the Divorce Consultant discussion.
