You may have gotten off the roller coaster ride of your first marriage a little pessimistic about hopping on any other attractions in the future. However, divorced ThirdAgers often find themselves in new relationships, contemplating the pros and cons of riding down the aisle once more. Here are some things to consider when thinking about giving marriage a second take.
Do You Still Have Motion Sickness? Like getting off of a roller coaster, many people exit their first marriage dizzy with confusion and emotions and not quite able to find their balance. However, while it isn’t an easy process to move from a "we" to a "me," it can often be a valuable opportunity to transform your life with more self-esteem, fulfillment and personal happiness.
If you haven’t yet made the effort to recover from your divorce and rebuild yourself, another marriage may not be the best idea. After all, it’s hard to be a healthy "we" if you aren’t a well-rounded, stable "me." And while the amount of time needed before remarrying differs for each individual, it is certainly more likely to be years rather than months.
Are You Getting On the Same Ride Again? The divorce rate for second marriages is actually higher than for first-time unions. This is partially because many people jump right into a new relationship without taking the time to really process the high and low points of their previous partnership.
Every experience in life teaches us something. Whether or not you know it now, you have already learned things about what you want and don’t want in a relationship. It is important to now recognize and process those lessons. If the ride made you sick the first time, don’t jump back on a similar one just for the sake of companionship.
Do You Need a Seatbelt? Individuals entering second marriages are often further along in life, more stable in their career and have more assets and debt to consider. Thus, it is important that you and your potential marriage partner have detailed discussions about what your union will mean financially and legally, as well as about how you will merge your respective lives.
We are seeing an increasing trend of prenuptial agreements for second marriages. A prenup can be an important tool for helping to first define your relationship, then to legally protect that union. Unlike first-time couples who often avoid talking about financial issues and divorce, second-timers know that "sometimes it doesn’t work out." It is critical that you acknowledge this and outline the legalities of your relationship in the case of death or divorce.
Remember, when approaching the concept of marrying again, make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons. Then, be responsible in creating a scenario that will fare better than your first time on the marriage ride. If managed properly, any marriage -- even a second one -- can strengthen you as an individual and create companionship and family to enrich your life.
For more information on taking care of yourself before, during or after divorce, visit equalityinmarriage.org.
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To participate in an online discussion on marriage and divorce and to get your personal questions answered, visit the Ask the Divorce Consultant discussion.
