Q: I get so bored with routine sex with my husband. We've tried toys, new positions -- you name it, we've done it. What are some Tantric tips that can relieve the boredom?
A: Boredom can occur in the bedroom -- and in life -- when we aren't being listened to, honored, taken into consideration or treated as an equal. It can also be present when we aren't as orgasmic as we might like to be or when we don't feel we can ask for the stimulation we require for ecstatic experiences to occur. These are often things that couples don't want to hear or don't entirely understand.
You sound like sexual explorers. It may possibly be that you have put the "doing" before the "being" in your relationship. All the positions and fancy techniques in the world will eventually get old if the deep spiritual aspects haven't been incorporated into the experience. Rather than toys or even new positions, Tantric techniques involve focus, hyper attention, ritual, a dimension of spiritual oneness, and gentle risk-taking.
To begin your journey into the spiritual side of sex, it's important to understand a few key points:
It's imperative that we practice telling the truth. Become very vulnerable with your closest partners and friends. If some issue feels risky, move lovingly toward it, not away from it.
In bed and in life, ask for what you want. Find loving ways through games, challenges, loving communication and straightforward asking. Admit something vulnerable about yourself and then ask for what you want. This pattern will set up a sympathetic ear.
Create simple rituals for your life and in your loving. For anything from an evening of lovemaking to an action plan at work, setting the intention will help keep us on the path. Any successful business would falter without a vision and mission statement to guide it.
Take on a sexual challenge for yourself, about yourself. Become more orgasmic, find and activate your G-spot, practice your Kegel exercises twice a day to keep you juicy, meditate or start Yoga classes, or train a new erogenous zone on your body.
Each of us is 100 percent responsible for our own experiences. Our partner isn't in charge, we are. Make sure you aren't relying on him or her to please you or to intuitively know what you want.
Take on a sexual challenge together. Identify an area for both of you that is too risky or that has a mental block present already. This could be sex outdoors, prostate massage for him, G-spot orgasms, or maybe even not having intercourse for two weeks and just having "outercourse." Only you know what those areas might be.
Step back and become virgins. Assume nothing. Have sex together from this innocent place that is just beginning. See what comes up for you. Begin again -- softer, compassionate, gentler, slower, with less goals and with more focus and attention put on each other. Practice seeing your partner as the embodiment of the archetypal Goddess or God. See if things transform from "being" instead of "doing".
Learn about Kama Sutra, Tantra and other sexual disciplines from Suzie Human at Tantra.com.
