By Andy Whaling and the members of Single Directions Each Sunday, up to 140 people gather in Pasadena, Calif. This group of single men and women in their 30s, 40s and 50s come together to work on relationship skills, meet other singles and share life experiences through the group Single Directions.
On March 9, 2003, the group collectively combined their life experiences and voted on more than 30 different mistakes adults learn through the school of dating hard knocks. From their voting, they drew up this list of the top 10 mistakes smart singles make when falling in love.
Take a look. If you are in a relationship that seems to have stalled, and you can't seem to get past that three- or six-month mark, you may find the reason -- and thus the solution -- below.
1. Creating a relationship without also building a friendship. This happens when you get deeply involved and never take time to get to know your partner or care about what really matters to him or her.
2. Not being honest about how you really feel, what you want or what really bothers you. Instead you pretend that there are no problems and go along with things. You walk on eggshells, stuffing your feelings instead of doing what’s hard: either resolving the issues or leaving.
3. Not taking care of yourself before, during and after the relationship.
4. Depending on your partner for your happiness instead of establishing your own life. You expect the other person to make your life wonderful and complete. You put everything into building your whole life around just one person.
5. Forgetting that true love takes time. You start too fast or leave too soon.
6. Expending all your energy on creating romance, or focusing on sex rather than working on the relationship.
7. Searching for love without knowing what you need or want.
8. Believing that if the sex is good everything else will work out.
9. Relying on first impressions to make your choices.
10. Failing to discover what went wrong in your last relationship -- and therefore making the same mistake again.
Andy Whaling, MFT, is the Relationship Editor for CouplesCompany.com and the founder and Director of Pasadena, Calif.-based Single Directions, a non-profit dedicated to helping singles 30+ find love and keep it.
