Meet your new boss. She is about the same age as your oldest child. Feel your heart drop into the pit of your stomach about the same time that your jaw lands on the keyboard? Welcome to another wrinkle (no pun intended) in the continuing saga called maturity!
Traditionally, the workplace reflects the natural progression of professional development. Even into our 40s, our superiors are often older than us, while our professional peers are in our own age group, and the new kids on the block are just that. Kids.
That is, until a young hotshot is brought in to provide new direction, if not shake things up. Or you become more specialized in your professional niche and step off the management track. Or the organization restructures. Feeling doomed to a replay of "Death of a Salesperson"? Not if you think and act strategically.
Assess Your Assumptions Before They Make an Ass Out of You! It's human nature to size up the situation based on your own fears and past experiences. Here's how to avoid building a worst-case scenario before you even have any evidence:
Don't assume your boss wants to replace you with the latest model. Don't turn ageism against yourself. There is already enough of it in the world. When you assume the worst, your expectations have a way of turning into self-fulfilling prophecies. And why offer solutions where there may not be any problems?
Don't assume the boss doesn't know anything. The boss may not know as much about your job function as you do. He or she doesn't have to. That's why you're there.
Don't assume the boss is any more comfortable with the situation than you are. Consider your boss's side: managing someone who is clearly more experienced, has a history with the organization, and may already have labeled him or her as a lightweight. The boss's fear may be hidden behind bravado, but it's there.
Leave Your Inner Parent at Home As ThirdAgers, and especially if we have our own children, it is easy to slip into parent mode. Here's how to avoid the parent trap:
Talk across and not down. From where you sit, you're the grown-up. And that young upstart across from you is a kid. Nonetheless, he or she is a kid with responsibilities, qualifications and authority. Speak to the role and not the roller-skates!
Ask for your boss's thoughts before offering your own. You're going to run into situations where the problem -- and the solution -- is clear. Why not cut to the chase and say so? Because your boss may have more information, not to mention a mandate, of which you may not yet be aware.
Understand your boss's expectations. One reason you have achieved this much is by knowing what your managers want -- and how they want it -- and delivering. This is also called "managing up." Even if it feels like it should be the other way around, it isn't.
Bridge the Generation Gap With Generosity Here's how to mine your own hard-earned resources to move the relationship forward:
Look for ways to mentor your boss. Subtly. Is your boss open to suggestions? Ask. And then offer your expertise. Remember: Talk. Listen. Don't lecture.
Bosses have to give orders. Yours is no exception. You've had quite a few supervisors over the years, so you know that managers are under pressure to make sure their group performs, and this often results in some ham-handedness. Overcome your annoyance by listening to the message and not the delivery.
Treat your boss as a colleague. And as an ally. In the final analysis, you and your boss have to learn to trust each other. You've got the maturity to handle this situation. How about making the first move?
Turning this into a positive situation is within your grasp. Not in spite of the age difference but because of it. Use the unique strengths that ThirdAgers alone can claim.
Gary R. McClain, Ph.D., is a coach and author with a practice in New York City, where he works with clients on life/career transitions and self-defeating behavior. His books include The Complete Idiot's Guide to Breaking Bad Habits (Alpha, 2000), written with Suzanne LeVert. To learn more, visit www.garymcclain.com
