By Laura Meyer
The Sun, Port Charlotte, Fla.
I have witnessed first-hand the horrible dilemma faced by some families when someone passes away and leaves behind several children to work out dividing and settling the assets of the estate.
One time, when I was working at a bank, we had three siblings come into the bank separately. They rushed in the moment the bank's door opened, each one hoping to gain access to their parent's safe deposit box first. It was not pretty. It was definitely sad.
Of course, all the guesswork and hard feelings can be avoided if parents prepare in advance a well-written and thorough will. But even then, there are usually personal and household effects that must be divided or sold, and the challenge becomes how to do this fairly and evenly.
If there is one thing I know, my father would be proud of the way my brother, sister and I handled the settlement of his estate. Not one time did we argue or disagree. Not one time did we make a decision without discussing it over together and coming to a mutual agreement. Here is how we did it.
When our mother died in 1980, our father went to a local attorney and drew up a will that left his assets to be divided equally among his three children. When the three of us met at his house a week after his memorial service, we sat down at the dining room table, popped open three of dad's favorite beverages and discussed the rules.
- Rule number one: Not one physical thing that was left behind was worth arguing over. What mattered now was making our father proud of the way we followed his wishes.
- Rule number two: No one would take anything from the house without prior approval from the other two.
- Rule number three: If you really wanted something, say so honestly and stop trying to guess if someone else wanted it more. If two of us wanted the same item we would flip this special gold coin my dad had in his jewelry box and the winner would get first choice. Then we gathered all of our sentimental family items on the table and in a rotation of who went first, we got to pick out items we wanted. Strangely enough, there usually was three of everything, so we all got a precious watch, or ring or tie clip to cherish. Sometimes you got the ugly one, but no matter; you got to pick first next time.
After that we created a list of all the household items, room by room. Each of us placed a price on each item, and we averaged those together to set an estate value on the item. This would be the price we would charge ourselves if we took the item. If one took a lot of household goods, then the other would get more cash. You see, whether it was furniture, or jewelry or money, all that was important is that when we were done, all three kids would receive the same exact value from the estate.
By placing a value on the household items, we could ensure that no one would take things he or she really didn't want. The coin came in handy a couple of times, but it was actually fun and not stressful at all. It wasn't a huge estate, but when any amount of money is involved, emotions tend to run a bit high.
My father would have loved to hear us laugh when my sister kept winning those coin tosses against my brother. Not one fight, not one. Hand me another one of those beverages dad loved.
Laura Meyer is the business technology teacher at the Academy at Charlotte Tech Center.
© 2003, The Sun, Port Charlotte, Fla. Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Business News.
