By Patricia Blakely
Simplifying. A word most people associate with having less. Doing less. A common maxim assures us that less is more, but many remain skeptical. Many people doubt that giving up things, activities and especially relationships could possibly bring more satisfaction or happiness into their lives. But simplifying lives up to its promises. I've seen it in my own life and in the lives of my clients.
Sometimes it takes a life-changing event to jolt us out of autopilot and into a more intentional way of living. It did for me. Six years ago, my husband of more than 30 years died of a heart attack. With his death, the ground shifted under my feet. I was as shocked, confused and disoriented as survivors of an earthquake. I no longer had solid footing; I had lost the familiar outlines of the life I had known and loved.
But eventually I found new footing. I came to realize that life is unpredictable and fragile, but it is also very precious. And I was determined to live it in a new way. I decided to leave my corporate job and go back to school. It was something I had been wanting to do, but had lacked the courage or clarity to do. I chose the graduate theology program at the College of St. Catherine in St. Paul, with the intention of becoming a spiritual director to assist women experiencing significant life transitions. Most of all, I wanted to slow the pace of my life. What I learned, as medieval mystic Meister Eckhart wrote seven centuries ago, is: "The soul grows by subtraction, not addition."
Subtraction Adds Up
In the meantime, I've discovered that what is good for our souls is also good for our homes. My favorite designer of the early 20th century, William Morris, puts it this way: "Have nothing in your home that you do not consider useful or believe to be beautiful." In other words, subtract.
Of course, this is heresy in our affluent and consumer-driven culture, but the rewards of "learning to subtract" can be dramatic. Start small. Taking an honest look at the contents of a single dresser drawer can be transformational. It is energizing and clarifying to focus on what has value to us now, to savor the few things that really lift us up, and then let the rest go. The newfound energy we get from that small step can carry us to the next step and the next.
When you get rid of a lot of things you don't really care about -- let's say, on your mantle or bookshelf -- you make space for the few things you really love. Instead of crowding your treasures with a lot of so-so stuff, you let the exceptional ones stand out. You give them breathing room. In showcasing the few things, you open yourself up to one of life's great pleasures. It's like a reunion with some of your favorite old friends. They lift your spirits and make you smile. My favorite comment from a client when I'm helping them simplify is, "I was looking for that!" By simplifying, they've reconnected with a treasure that had been lost in an overextended, overstuffed life.
By editing our things, and allowing more space around the things we love, we showcase them the way a museum may feature a small jewel of a painting on one well-lit wall. Instead of leaving that small painting unnoticed in a crowded, darkened corner, it is reclaimed and its true beauty is allowed to shine.
Where to Begin
Simplifying is a process that starts with a close-up look at our lives. Then, it's a matter of selecting the things we really want to have in them -- and letting the rest go. It's a simple process, but it is not easy. In fact, the first step is the hardest. It can be threatening to really take a closer look. Usually, we'd rather just keep moving. It can be disturbing to stop -- or even to slow down -- for a better view. So, we don't.
Sometimes events force us to make choices. Many of my clients are moving and downsizing. For those who aren't, however, I sometimes suggest that they pretend they are moving. By simply imagining a move, they can see more clearly what they value and what is weighing them down like unwanted ballast. They suddenly have no trouble going from room to room, tagging the things they would "take with them." With help, they make previously "impossible" decisions about how to let the rest go. They experience the benefits of a move -- the liberating rush of making a fresh start and leaving behind a lot of things that they no longer use or like -- without the hassle of changing their address.
One of my clients is a teacher in Minneapolis. A single woman with two grown children, Signe was thinking about taking a year's leave from work to reflect on the next stage of her life. She'd heard about Pendle Hill, a Quaker center for study and contemplation in Pennsylvania, where she could take a course on life purpose and discernment. To finance this year away, Signe needed to rent out her house. Yet it was hard to imagine anyone renting her small house unless she could get a bulldozer to dig out the piles of things cluttering the corners of her rooms and filling her basement almost to the brim.
Signe wasn't a compulsive shopper or a pack rat; she was simply a woman at midlife. There were things she had inherited from her parents, things left over from her divorce, and things her children had left behind when they left for college. She felt pinned down by the sheer bulk of stuff and paralyzed by the memories that went with them.
But with help, she was able to sort out the wheat from the chaff. We found places to display and contain the items that have value for her now. We carefully labeled and stored her most prized heirlooms. She passed on the things that had been left behind by her ex-husband and her children. And she happily gave away the rest. Finally, we rearranged her furnishings to better accommodate a renter's needs. With new energy and focus, Signe quickly found a suitable renter for her home, which now seemed far more spacious and attractive. With newfound courage and a real sense of adventure, she applied to Pendle Hill and asked her employer for what she really wanted: a year off to look at her life.
White Space in Life
The same principles that apply to simplifying our homes --clearing out junk drawers, bookshelves and basements -- can be applied to our calendars and our friendships. Simplifying our commitments is an energizing experience that frees up more time for events and people we value most. If you slow down enough to really think about it, you'll know what they are.
Writer Elaine St. James advises, "Resign from any board whose meetings you dread." The "learn to subtract" principle is not about shirking responsibility or dropping everything, but it is about underscheduling, a radical idea in our overscheduled society. To simplify is to consciously create some white space on our calendars, so that each day, week and year has a little breathing room.
Simplifying is about looking honestly at our relationships, too. Note which ones give you life and love -- and which ones do not. To simplify is to cherish the relationships that sustain you, tending them carefully like a garden. It's also about having the courage to let the others go -- or to spend the time to really fix them.
As any gardener knows, a garden that is too big, or requires too much maintenance, can quickly get out of control. Some plants will take over and others will falter and fail. The important relationships in your life are like plants in a garden. They need steady attention, care and, yes, pruning, to really thrive.
Simplifying is discerning what you really want and asking for it. It's not about depriving yourself of anything that truly matters to you. It's about cherishing -- and tending -- the things, events and people that sustain you and bring you joy. And it's about having the courage to let the rest go. Like a museum curator, you can reclaim the real treasures in your life and let their unique beauty shine.
"Have nothing in your home that you do not consider useful or believe to be beautiful."
Patricia Blakely is founder of HOME-REMEDIES, a Minneapolis consulting service for people who want to simplify their homes, and a spiritual director.
Copyright Minnesota Monthly Publications Jun/Jul 2004. Powered by Yellowbrix, Inc.
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