I have been married for three years to a man who had children from a previous marriage. I love my husband dearly, but raising stepchildren requires patience and effort. Over the years, I have grown to love his children, but it was sometimes difficult. I'd like to share my 10 rules for success:
1. Remember that you are not marrying one person, you are marrying a family.
2. The kids come first.
3. I set the rules and make the decisions for my children, and he does the same for his. We do not discipline each other's children.
4. Keep finances separate. I do not want to hear that I should not spend money that I earned on my child, nor does my spouse. We split monthly household expenses.
5. If possible, befriend the ex-spouse (the other parent).
6. NEVER say a bad word about your spouse's ex in front of the children.
7. Try to remember that it is not you that the stepchildren have a problem with. It is your role in their life.
8. Let the kids set the pace for a relationship; do not push yourself on them. Be consistent, be yourself and do not give up.
9. Allow some alone time for your spouse to be with his or her children. Take advantage of this time to treat yourself.
10. Plan family nights. Play games, order pizza, relax.
Source: The Charleston Gazette. Powered by Yellowbrix.
