By Mary Hanna
Women my age are nothing if not pragmatic. We've had our consciousness raised (and some of us, various body parts as well). Our eyes are wide open where men are concerned. So it's with some measure of embarrassment that I confess to still being a sucker for romance.
Now, it's a fact that women value romance more than men do. Don't bother sending me examples of tender, amorous things your man has done -- it's an aberration and soon he will revert to type.
I often turn to my friend Tom to explain his species. Having been friends for nearly 20 years, we've had many debates about the differences between men and women -- usually when he's being pig-headed about something and personifying the male stereotype. Nonetheless, I recently asked Tom to explain the romantic impulse in males.
When it comes to romance, Tom said, men are goal-oriented. They are happy to act romantic if it gets them what they want. (If you don't know what it is they want, turn on MTV and Britney will show you.)
Not only are men of all ages goal-oriented, but they want to achieve their goal with as few complications as possible.
For Keeper Husband, this meant dating for three years without popping the question. Or, according to my mother, three years of getting the milk for free. Stung that my mother would call me a cow, I finally took matters into my own hands and asked him to succeed Starter Husband as my dearly beloved.
He agreed, as long as there was no fuss. I acted immediately and got on his calendar to go shopping for the engagement ring. Keeper had a wrestling tournament that day. He put on his stripes early in the morning and headed off to referee a high school gym full of sweaty boys in spandex.
Around 5 o'clock, he came home, euphoric in that way only smelly gym clothes and hordes of screaming fans can induce. Careful not to alarm him, I waited for him to shower and then lured him into the car, where I pretended to listen attentively to a play-by-play recounting of the tournament while I drove us to the jewelry store.
Keeper was still reciting the scores of each and every match when I looked up from the diamond display and said, "This is the one. Where's your credit card?"
No muss, no fuss. He didn't even have to come out of his sports stupor.
Before he knew it, he had signed the charge slip and we were officially engaged.
Keeper is not averse to romantic gestures, he just needs instructions.
"Just tell him what you want," says my expert on male behavior.
"But what I want is for him to know what I want without my telling him."
"Women!" says my advisor, falling back on the age-old male inclination to give up in the face of complexity.
Through the years, Keeper and I have adjusted our expectations, which, according to recent studies, is the secret to a happy marriage. I don't expect Keeper to wow me with romantic gestures and he doesn't expect me to remember anything about wrestling holds.
Which doesn't mean we don't have a sense of humor about it. The other night we were settled in watching the NBA conference championships while polishing off a Wombo Combo.
"Ah," said Keeper with a satisfied grin. "Pizza and the Pacers. It just doesn't get any better than this."
"You might as well just shoot me now," I said.
But you know what? He's right. There's a lot to be said for being in a long-term, committed relationship. Comfortable, mature love is a wonderful thing.
Just once, though, I wish he'd surprise me with a trip to the jewelry store.
I'm about due for that three-stone anniversary ring.
Mary Hanna lives with low expectations for romance in San Carlos, Calif.
Source: Oakland Tribune. Powered by YellowBrix, Inc.
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