An Alternative Approach: The Working Husband:
Not so fast, says Scott Haltzman, a psychiatrist and Brown University professor who's been studying marriages for many years. It's easier said than done for men to make their women feel appreciated, even cherished. And here's some more bad news. Guys might actually have to read a relationship book to figure it out. Haltzman's The Secrets of Happily Married Men (John Wiley & Sons, 2005) purports to give men all the tips they need to forge a happy marriage.
Haltzman says men should forget conventional marriage therapy, which he believes tries to make men more like women. Instead, men should tackle marriage like a man.
For instance, think of sex as a NASCAR race car with five gears. You're Dale Earnhardt Jr. She's a Chevy. Gently put it in first gear by whispering sweet nothings in her ear, kissing her, and yes, holding her hand. Second gear, rev it up a bit by caressing that steering wheel. And so on until fifth, when you cross the finish line as the crowd goes wild.
(Astute males will recognize that Haltzman has simply added one step to the first base, second base, third base, home-plate model of their youth.)
Other tips, as Haltzman explained in a Washington Post interview:
- Treat your marriage like a full-time job, complete with a job description: love, honor, respect, support her (this is where helping out with the kids and chores comes into play). Also, it's best to be faithful unless you like the feeling of a frying pan smacking the back of your head. And yes, cybersex is cheating.
- Treat her like you did in the beginning of the relationship, when you were trying to get to home plate (or fifth gear).
- Listen to her (which means actually turning off the TV and looking her in the eyes when she speaks).
- Please her (treat her like a valuable client, compliment her, smile at her, reward her for her loyal service. And no, a Porsche key chain doesn't count).
If this all sounds like a whole lot of work, you're right. Nobody said marriage was easy ...
Source: Palm Beach Post. Powered by Yellowbrix.
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