By Deepak Chopra
A hundred years ago, an ideal form of love was supposed to bind men and women. Married love was blessed as long as it had no genitals. The eminent Victorian writer John Ruskin, who learned about female anatomy from Greek statues, ran from the bridal chamber in horror when he discovered on his honeymoon that his wife had pubic hair. Sweaty, undignified sex was not accepted as an aspect of ideal love -- in the guise of carnal lust, sex all but killed idealism. Shakespeare himself lamented sex as "the expense of spirit in a waste of shame."
This ugly belief system persists today. Fundamentalist Christians convinced that sex repeats original sin would be surprised to find themselves in agreement with New Age followers of Eastern religion for whom purity and celibacy are also the ideal way to approach sex. Avoid it if you can, indulge if you must. In secular circles, the great sexual bugaboo is disease, for when sin went out the window, the specter of STDs came in, and today's school children are hit with horror stories of what can happen if they take even a single sexual misstep. Almost the only echo of the sane regard for pleasure displayed in that celebrated, ancient Indian text, the Kama Sutra (Inner Traditions International, 1995), comes in men's magazines, where the fantasy side of sex is indulged in completely -- and we must nod toward the feminist movement for allowing women's magazines their own brand of runaway fantasy.
Elsewhere sex is talked about incessantly, but the results are very confused. In my experience, what couples want is a way out of this confusion. Having tried sex much earlier and more freely than any previous generation, they wonder what it really means. After your 1000th orgasm, is sex as worn out as anything else? Why hasn't it revealed the hidden glory of another person, or of yourself? I think the Kama Sutra shows a way out of this dark maze -- or at least it points the way.
The Kama Sutra is many things: a manual for lovemaking, a marital aid sneaked furtively into many a bedroom, and to prudes throughout the ages, a scandal. Can it also be described as an inspiring spiritual text? I strongly believe it can, because the truth about sex, and love in general, is that it remains the most powerful spiritual experience that most of us will have in our lifetimes.
What is it like to be in love? You feel accepted and understood. You feel more complete, as if an invisible presence is filling you up. You imagine that you can do anything -- life is suddenly open to all possibilities. You experience ecstasy in ordinary things: a glance, the touch of a hand, light falling on your beloved's face. Your self is expanded far beyond the petty limitations that were so confining before you fell in love.
I could catalog many more shifts in awareness that lovers experience, but they all have one thing in common: They mirror exactly the transcendent state of the greatest saints and sages. In spiritual terms, you are not deluding yourself when you fall in love. You are seeing yourself as you truly are.
The Kama Sutra as an antidote to shame >
