Keeping Your Marriage Together

	• 'She's Lost Her Libido' A husband worries that his wife's lack of sexual interest means trouble for their marriage. go >

Celebrate the ordinary. When Clinton White sailed into port during his 20 years in the Navy, Mary White and their four children were on the dock waiting for him. When he was home on leave, the family celebrated.

That practice has segued into family get-togethers for birthdays, holidays -- and impromptu picnics and meals at the Whites' home in the King and Queen County town of Walkerton, Ind.

Little acts of tenderness have been built into the Whites' daily lives during their 55 years of marriage.

Clinton White, a salesman at Abbott Truck Sales at Aylett, "calls me several times a day just to say hi and I love you. When he leaves work, he calls me and says, 'I'm on my way.' And usually, I'm on the porch waiting for him, or if the weather's bad, I'll open the garage door and be standing there waiting for him."

Settle arguments. "No two people are going to think alike all the time, but you ought to hear each other out," Charles Farish said. "We talk a lot of things out, sometimes riding along in the car. If you love each other, you learn as you go along."

Shout and cuss as a problem-solving method?

"Never!" Mary White said. "We keep our voices low. If we disagree with someone, we say, 'I don't think I agree with that.' We would never allow that [shouting or cussing] in our house."

Clinton White is a retired minister in the evangelical Advent Christian Church.

Verbal bludgeoning and belittlement are abuse and should be banned from the household: "A sword will kill you quick; a bludgeon is slow," Heath said.

"Back in the '20s and '30s, women didn't have the financial ability to escape, but, thank heaven, more of them have the economic means to leave. Life itself has enough adversities to it without adding to it."

Be faithful. Don't run around, said Heath, who has witnessed such behavior in others.

"To me, fidelity creates trust in any relationship, and trust in any relationship is essential," said Heath.

Commit to the marriage. "Become more devoted to each other" as the years pass, Rita Wingfield said.

"I'm lucky. I married a good man. I think it's my faith; I didn't believe in divorce. The things he does that I may not like are minor. Mine are, too.

"The younger generation I'm not sure understands commitment. When we had been married 45 years, I thought, 'How did those 45 years just fly by so fast?' And then it's 50 years. It's hard to believe."

Fodder for Jokes

• A husband who can cook is not at all the same thing as a husband who can shop, prepare and assemble ingredients, and clean up the mess after the great burst of creativity."

  --Mary-Jo Fitzgerald, author

• "I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

  --Rodney Dangerfield, comedian

• "My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: Neither of us does it."

  --Dottie Archibald, actor

• "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

  --Henny Youngman, comedian

• "A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick."

  --Ogden Nash, humorist

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