You seem to indicate that your wife's complaint is not about if you make love but when. Sometimes solutions are simple. Maybe you should re-think your schedule for sex so that it does not conflict with her favorite television show, and certainly not with her sleep.
However, we also think that you might secretly be wondering if she finds sex pleasurable, specifically with you. (Again, you're not alone. In the survey for our book, "He's Just Not Up for It Anymore: When Men Stop Having Sex, and What Women Are Doing About It" (William Morrow, 2008), six out of 10 men in sexless marriages say that their wives do not seem to enjoy sex.) Does she really think that watching some late-night talk show is more fun than having sex? If you believe this to be so, maybe the sex isn't worth having. Again, the two of you have to communicate.
When you say, "Let's see how long it takes her to ask me for sex," we think that you are putting her to the test. Are you, perhaps, really asking: "How interested is she in being intimate with me? How much does she love me?" Sex isn't about giving your partner a test that she doesn't even know she's taking -- and, therefore, will probably fail. What it is about, of course, is connecting on a deeply physical and emotional level. Our advice: Stop testing and start talking.
Bob and Susan are currently co-writing "He's Just Not Up for It Anymore: When Men Stop Having Sex, and What Women Are Doing About It," which will be published by William Morrow in 2008. If you are -- or have ever been -- in a sexless marriage or in a committed relationship where the man ended sex, Bob and Susan would love to hear from you. Click here to take their survey.
Have a question for Bob and Susan? Ask it here.
Bob and Susan Berkowitz talk about the secret of feeling sexy.
Bob talks about why men stop having sex with their wives.
