You told us that he is twice-divorced. Do you know why his previous marriages ended, and how committed he was to his former wives? If he seems afraid of intimacy, your current situation may be perfect for him. When you have your discussion, be prepared to learn that he while he thinks you have a good thing going, it may be all he wants at this stage of his life. He may also be terrified of getting hurt again.
After Feb. 14, when the two of you discuss this, make certain that you really listen to each other. In researching our book, "He's Just Not Up for It Anymore: When Men Stop Having Sex, and What Women Are Doing About It," we found that many couples talk little and listen even less. If he says he wants to keep things just the way they are, he is telling you the truth. It is then up to you to tell him what you want. (Be certain you know what that is before you start.) Hopefully, the two of you will come to an agreement that works for you both. If not, you will have to decide if you can peacefully and happily live with his terms, or if you want to thank him for a terrific couple of years, move on, and try to find what you're looking for. We can't help but notice that you mentioned "a pretty good thing," but you never mentioned love.
Bob and Susan are currently co-writing "He's Just Not Up for It Anymore: When Men Stop Having Sex, and What Women Are Doing About It," which will be published by William Morrow in 2008. If you are -- or have ever been -- in a sexless marriage or in a committed relationship where the man ended sex, Bob and Susan would love to hear from you. Click here to take their survey.
Have a question for Bob and Susan? Ask it here.
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