Yes, there is still a need for etiquette in a time when table manners, business protocol and civilized discourse seem as dated as "Gone With the Wind." So say Nancy Gorczynski, proprietress of the Etiquette & Protocol School in Wayne, N.J., and Roslyn Rolan, owner of Fort Lee, N.J.-based Image & Etiquette Institute.
Perhaps it's no coincidence that Gorczynski hails from genteel Texas and Rolan grew up in Philadelphia in the 1950s, "when everyone was very gracious and courteous."
"Etiquette gets you through difficult, important situations in a lifetime," says Gorczynski.
Among the thorniest of situations are first dates, where etiquette is often overlooked, but essential, they say. They should know: Gorczynski served as a consultant for The Learning Channel's "Date Patrol." Meanwhile, Rolan just signed on to be a consultant for Great Date Now dating service in Englewood Cliffs, N.J.
Being romantically popular and socially proper really aren't that different, they say.
"You want your date to remember you as intelligent, articulate and well-mannered," says Gorczynski, who offers tips for making that first social encounter as painless -- and polite -- as possible:
- "Arrive early, greet your guest with a handshake and say, 'It's nice to see you.' A man should take a woman's coat or walk her to the coat room. Make sure the wait staff knows you are the host."
- "If you are a woman and have asked a gentleman out to dinner, exude the same level of confidence you would in any other situation. The host should act as the host, the guest as the guest."
- The savvy host should pay in advance for the meal by offering a credit card to the maitre d', and remove any uncertainty about price limits by a subtle remark such as, "I had the lobster here last time, and it was fabulous."
- Dinner chit-chat should include eye contact and courteous gestures (don't aim your knife at your date while making a point). Don't gossip. And always treat your servers with respect.
- "If you don't want a second date, say so graciously and firmly: 'Well, George, I really enjoyed our evening, however I think we see a lot of things differently and we would be better as associates.' A lot of people feel more comfortable having that conversation by phone rather than face to face."
- "The person who does the inviting should pay. It shows character. Going dutch is acceptable only for a friends' outing. For a date, it's appropriate to swap off after the fifth date or so."
- No matter how a date turns out, the host should send a handwritten thank-you note afterward. "It's so elegant and more private than an e-mail."
Source: The Bergen Record, Bergen County, N.J. Provided by ProQuest Information and Learning. Powered by YellowBrix.
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