By ThirdAge expert Marcia Wieder, America's Dream Coach
Most people think of dreams either as unattainable fantasies or as things they do in their sleep. Neither of these definitions reflects my interpretation of what dreams are.
I define dreams as the aspirations, desires, goals and hopes that you most want for yourself. Moreover, these are the kind of dreams you have while you are very much awake, and they stem from the areas of your life about which you feel most passionate.
Passion is the access to power, and the process by which to access passion is through your Life's Purpose. Your Purpose is embodied in who you are -- or better, in who you decide to be. It's what gets you excited.
I might even say that your Purpose is remembering why you're here. It's certainly not to just exist, to take up space and resources on the planet. Goodness knows there's a landfill pile somewhere with my name on it (though I do try to conserve!). Yet, for many of us, the idea of a finite life and the inevitable fact that our earthly lives will someday end is a hard reality to face. The beauty of this truth is that we are completely free to make our lives anything we imagine them to be.
We get so busy with the daily rituals of coming and going, filling our calendars with meetings, appointments and basic chores, that life only comes to a screeching halt when something miraculous or tragic happens. Having a child, getting married, discovering one's illness or experiencing an accident all have the power to stop us in our tracks, reminding us how precious and fragile life is. My hope is that you can remember that today and always.
Everyone Has a Purpose
If you're like a lot of readers, you might say, "I want to make my dreams come true, but, between you and me, I don't think I have a Purpose." Well, my answer is a resounding, "Yes, you do!" And together, we can help coax it out of hiding.
Your Purpose is not a big, burdensome, heavy weight that you "must" accomplish in your life. Rather, it's a joyous expression of who you are. One of my clients, who wasn't convinced that finding his Purpose was the way to double his business, increased sales when he finally defined who he was. From then on it was easy once he became clear as to what his reasons were for being in business in the first place. Realigning your priorities is an exercise you can do whenever you feel doubt creeping into your life.
Your Purpose could be anything that gets your juices flowing; it comes from what turns you on in life. The broader you state it, the better, because the broader your Purpose, the more room there is for Passion and Possibility. If you're concerned that your Purpose is not going to be worthy enough, big enough or decent enough, here are some examples that others have used when completing the sentence, "My life's Purpose is ..."
- to create joy
- to be available when people need me
- to make a difference
- to go beyond
- to play and have fun
Interestingly enough, when I appeared on the "The Oprah Winfrey Show" as "The Passion Expert," we discussed this very topic. Oprah stated that her own passion when she was young was "talking." Furthermore, when we discussed the concept of dreams, her goal was simply to create a business "where people could have fun." And that was enough. Nothing complicated or verbose, just "fun"!
By combining her Passion (talking) and Purpose (to have fun), Oprah has created a successful business that often serves as an indispensable springboard and venue for discussing humanitarian issues that might otherwise go ignored.
Your Purpose is anything that touches your heart and makes a difference to you. If you're working at a job just for the money, and what you're doing doesn't make you feel proud, perhaps you've lost your sense of Purpose. The acid test is how you feel at the end of the day. Are you motivated? Do you look forward to tomorrow?
Defining Your Purpose
Most people are so busy reacting to the needs of daily life that they're happy just to be getting through the day. It's hard to live a life of purpose when life revolves around daily crises and you're always feeling overwhelmed. By taking the time to define your Purpose, you'll open up more opportunities, find more time and space, have more energy and be more focused.
You may be wondering how to determine what your Purpose is. Remember, it's not an obligation you should feel chained to, though it will require some level of commitment. And defining it may not be a sudden revelation. Circumstances and priorities change as you move through each stage of life. What matters to you when you're a 25-years-old may not seem reasonable when you're 55. Allow for the subtle variations you're expected to experience as you grow wiser and more mature. Your Purpose will modify itself accordingly over time; just give it a tune-up when necessary.
What I Discovered
My own Purpose, to "joyously self-express," was not defined that way when I first began speaking about it. I started by looking at what I enjoyed doing, and decided that I like to talk and travel. So, I defined my Life's Purpose as "talking and traveling." Over time, that description was honed and sharpened, and yours will be, too.
The more you live out your Purpose, the more it will start to resonate as a unique definition of who you are. Before you know it, your Purpose becomes both automatic and unconscious once you've mastered making it a part of your daily life.
Here is a five-minute exercise that will help you get in touch with your Life's Purpose by looking at your past accomplishments:
On a sheet of paper, list three times in your life when you accomplished something about which you are proud and passionate. It can be from as far back as you recall, up to this very moment. Look for three successes about which you can say, "I did that and I felt great about myself!" It can be something you did on your own, with others or maybe for someone else. Perhaps it was having your first child, buying your first house, a speech you gave in high school or college, or a winning project at work.
Write them down simply and quickly. As you write the first one, the other two will follow.
Don't think that your life is devoid of accomplishments; everyone has achieved something. As a matter of fact, if this exercise is hard, begin by examining the way in which you perceive success. If you can't find at least three accomplishments (and I promise you've had at least 33, maybe 333!), perhaps you're being too hard on yourself and setting your sights too high.
To get started, try writing broad, generic statements and avoid narrowing things down with too much detail. Perhaps all the items you list were simply fun, or perhaps they were experienced within a group atmosphere. Maybe they all made you feel uneasy at first, and it was overcoming the challenge and anxiety that ties them altogether.
Those types of experiences can sometimes be the result of "eustress," or positive and good stress which gives you a "feeling of fulfillment." Sadly it's a concept that often gets overlooked, since we tend to see stress only as a negative influence. When you look back at your life, be aware of the existence of this healthy type of stress that reminds us we are very much alive. Do you remember your heart beating with excitement and anticipation? Chances are it was eustress!
When the exercise is completed, take a deep breath and relax. The hard part is over. When you're ready to begin again, look for a pattern in each of the events you've listed. Can you detect a common denominator that made you feel good about all these achievements? What theme was present for you in all three examples?
If you think at first that there's nothing consistent about the listed deeds, bring your mind back to the time and place of each situation. Get in touch with what you were feeling then, about the events as well as yourself. Often times, feelings and thoughts that have long been buried begin to emerge. The commonality need not be that all the events happened in the same season of the year. What you're looking for is the consistency of how you felt in each case (i.e. who you were inside, not what was happening externally.) Perhaps the accomplishments all went beyond what you thought was possible, or they led to other things that you hadn't even considered. The broader the common thread, the better.
The acid test is whether or not the consistent element was something about which you felt excited. However, don't be concerned if passion seems to elude you at first. Some people feel passionate about their Purpose as soon as they define it. Others may not be initially sure if the stated Purpose is something that truly excites them. You may not experience passion until you're in action on a project and find yourself wholly involved: physically, psychologically and spiritually. If you're having difficulty finding the common thread in all three accomplishments, but you were excited by two of them, you're probably on the right track.
Speaking Your Purpose
Using language that incorporates your newly defined Purpose into your speech will affirm your passion and move you toward having your dream. I call this, "Speaking your Purpose," and I've listed below some examples of statements from people with whom I've worked. In each case, the three accomplishments are listed, followed by the first pass at identifying their Life's Purpose, and then their second attempt to speak of it in an empowering way.
Example No. 1
Accomplishments:
1. Receiving his Certified Public Accountant's certificate
2. Being promoted to manager at work
3. Buying a dream house while selling his old home without a broker
Purpose:
To add value to everything he does
To make a difference by being different
Example No. 2
Accomplishments:
1. Making it to the U.S. National Racquetball Team
2. Becoming racquetball state champion
3. Striving for a professional career in racquetball
Purpose:
To have fun while being the best that she can be
To go for the gold.
Example No. 3
Accomplishments:
1. Having twin daughters
2. Experiences in the wilderness
3. Winning the Small Business Administration's Outstanding Businesswoman Award
Purpose
To experience the adventure of people and life
To live life as an adventure
On a clean sheet of paper, list all the different ways in which you can complete the sentence, "My Life's Purpose is ..." so that, when you think about it and when you speak about it, you feel its underlying passion. When you have done that, do it again. Rephrase your Purpose to speak of it in an empowering way. The first pass merely states it. The second statement shouts it to the world!
It doesn't matter whether your Purpose is single-focused or multidimensional. Imagine using the zoom lens of a camera to capture your Life's Purpose in the most general way. Then play with the picture until the form, sound and "feel" of it is right for you.
As America's Dream Coach(r), Marcia Wieder travels the world as an ambassador for making dreams real. In addition to being a charismatic speaker, she's the renowned author of three books dedicated to achieving your dreams: "Making Your Dreams Come True," "Life Is But a Dream," and "Doing Less and Having More." Her most exciting venture is My Dream Circle, where she is having amazing success helping people from all walks of life achieve their personal and professional dreams. Find out more at www.dreamcoach.com.
