By Lynn A. Robinson
QUESTION: For the first six months in my current job, I got along great with my boss. For the past month, however, he's been really cranky toward me. It comes out of nowhere and I just can't think of anything I may have done to provoke such behavior from him. I've been thinking about quitting, but for some reason there's part of me that feels maybe I should stay on board and wait this out (I had previously really liked the position). But am I being ridiculous for enduring this abuse any longer?
ANSWER: Years ago, I was the Operations Manager of a software company. I had a boss who was a screamer. It wasn't just me he yelled at. He was upset with everyone! There were many days I went home and cried. I didn't want to leave a job I liked and yet I knew I couldn't put up with the dysfunctional situation for very long. I could have asked the same question you did!
Following is the plan I followed and all worked out well. Here are five tips for dealing with a difficult boss:
1. Ask Your Intuition for the Best Course of Action
Your intuition is a tool for quick and ready insight. It can give you some much-needed wisdom in dealing with your difficult boss. Here's a technique for accessing your sixth sense. Take some quiet time away from your office. Bring a notebook and pen and calm your mind. Close your eyes and take a few deep, relaxing breathes. Now ask yourself a series of questions. After each question, jot down any feelings, impressions, words and "knowing" you receive. Those are all ways that your intuition communicates: "What could I do to improve the situation with my boss? What is the best way to approach him? What's going on with him that would make him act difficult? What role am I playing (if any) in how he's acting?" Write any other questions and answers that come to mind.
2. What's Your Ideal Job Environment?
With your notebook still in hand, write a few sentences about what your ideal job and work environment would look and feel like. When you're clear about your goals, things have a way of lining up in your favor. You might write things like, "I have a great relationship with my boss. I look forward to going to work each day. I love all the new things I'm learning. My job is fun and rewarding." Use the power of visualization to envision your ideal job. Put as much feeling and emotion into this image as you can. You might listen to some uplifting music while imagining your ideal day. Spend just a few moments a day doing this exercise and you'll find that it helps you get clear about what you want and assists you in creating the circumstances you're envisioning.
3. Ask for a Meeting With Your Boss
With the insight gained from your intuition and the confidence garnered by envisioning your success, come up with some suggestions about improving the relationship with your boss. Now the hard part! Ask for a meeting with him. Perhaps you could say something like, "I'd like to meet with you Friday to discuss some ideas I have about how we can work more efficiently. Would 10 a.m. in your office be a good time?" Who can say "no" to that?!
4. Stay Positive and Focused
During the meeting, don't make sweeping generalizations about his personality or management style. Be upbeat and positive. Your intention in asking for this meeting is to improve both your work and your working relationship with him. You might want to begin by stating that you love your work and you want to have a constructive relationship with him. State the facts. It's possible he's unaware of how he's coming across. You could avoid defensiveness by comments such as "You may not be aware ... " or "You may not realize ... " or "You may not intend ... " After you've let him know what's going on, simply listen as openly and honestly as you can. Try not to take his response personally or act in a defensive manner. Share your ideas and make suggestions about how to work together better and increase the productivity in your department.
5. Do You Stay or Go?
Hopefully, the conversation has cleared the air, you both feel better and have a plan of action for improving things. But if none of these strategies work, you have two choices. If you really love your job, you like your coworkers and you're learning a lot, ignore your boss and his cranky moods as best you can. They may say more about him than about you anyway! On the other hand, don't sacrifice your health or self-esteem. Life is too short for that. If you can't resolve the issues with your boss or if he's simply not going to change his behavior, start networking and begin looking for a new job. Keep in mind the ideal job scenario you wrote about above and use the power of visualization and your intuition to attract your heart's desire. You deserve to have a job (and life) that you love!
Lynn Robinson, M.Ed., is one of the nation's leading experts on the topic of intuition. Through her work as an intuitive coach, she's helped thousands of people discover their life passion and achieve their goals. She's a best-selling author whose books include Real Prosperity, Compass of the Soul and Divine Intuition. Her free Intuition Newsletter is available at http://www.LynnRobinson.com.
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