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Traumatic All Around
Each of these divorces is traumatic, no doubt, but they're fairly straightforward. Once you muddle through custody arrangements, child-support formulas and the division of assets, all that's left is to allow the gaping wounds to scab over. What dumbfounds many divorcing couples, though, are the gray issues not addressed in the divorce agreement.
Like the in-laws.
Regardless of how friendly -- or not -- the relationship was, your ex-spouse's parents are still your children's grandparents and so they're still connected to your life. Fostering a positive relationship with them is important, but the discomfort can be great and the confusion strong.
Do you drop the kids off at Grandma's house, do you expect your ex-spouse to arrange the visits when the kids are at that house, or do you resolve to remain a visible part of the equation? It's an area where you feel your way along, make up rules as you go and hope that it all doesn't backfire in a cloud of hurt feelings and anger. Gift-giving occasions: do you participate? Do you guide the kids so their participation eventually feels natural? Or should you leave your hands off and declare it the ex-spouse's territory? And whose job is it to decide?
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