Excellent HBO Alzheimer's Special!

If you didn't see it or you don't get HBO, you must see these four excellent programs available online free-of-charge. I recommend "Momentum in Science" first, as it is so encouraging to see the latest research: http://www.hbo.com/events/alzheimers.

The other three are helpful with managing loved ones with dementia, however, they missed a great technique when a person doesn't recognize a loved one or themself in a mirror. The trick is simply to ask their age. When they say something like "35" instead of "85", you understand why they don't recognize people how they look now.

I remember the first time this happened with my mother, because my heart nearly broke when she asked, "Honey, where's your little sister, Jackie?"

As my voice cracked, ready to burst into tears, somehow I thought to say, "Umm, well, gee... how old is Jackie now?"

"Ummm, I think she's about ten."

I drew upon an old family story that I hoped would help. "Ohhh, you know what? She's staying with your sister, Aunt Agatha, and Uncle Roy for a while up at the Boulder. They're camping and fishing and having the most wonderful time!"

I vividly remember her smile and how relieved she was that her little girl was safe. Can you imagine her horror if I told her she didn't have a ten-year old daughter? Her reality at that moment was that she did. The next day I was so relieved when she was back to knowing me as her only adult daughter.

Then, just before I sent my mother and her devoted caregiver (whose son and healthy grandmother went too) on her life-long dream of a cruise to Hawaii, she awoke very upset.

"Mom, are you okay? What's the matter?"

"Well... I was raped last night!"

"Whaaat? Nooo, we'd never let that happen to you. I'm sure it was just a real vivid dream--don't you think?"

"Well, I don't know, but I'm going to be awfully mad if I'm pregnant!"

I pressed my lips together so hard trying not to laugh and said, "Well, yeah, that would put quite a crimp in your cruising!" Thank goodness this line of thinking went away in a few minutes and we never heard another word about that!

ThirdAge Expert Voice Jacqueline Marcell is the author of Elder Rage and the host of the Coping with Caregiving radio show.