Drop in Weight Can Change Relationships

After decades of struggling with her weight, Kathy Freeman, at nearly 300 pounds, finally made the decision to get weight-loss surgery at Erlanger hospital in Chattanooga, Tenn., last year.

Although she had a strong network of support from most of her friends and loved ones, the 50-year-old nurse ended up losing a friend along with the 142 pounds she has dropped since the surgery.

"She was afraid my losing weight would change me from being who I was," Ms. Freeman said, recalling the words of her friend, who lives out of town. "I couldn't get her to open up enough to talk about it. ... I was very startled, very surprised, because I just automatically assumed everybody would be happy for me that I was doing something to take control of my life."

For many who lose a significant amount of weight through lifestyle changes such as diet and exercise or through weight-loss surgery, the life-changing effects reach beyond improved health and quality of life, experts say. The basic dynamic of one's relationships, including friendships and marriages, can change drastically as one's habits, self-esteem and self-perceptions change, said Dr. Jean Cates, psychologist at the Chattanooga Lifestyle Center.

The emotions prompted by a friend or partner's weight loss can run the gamut from envy to anger to fear, she said.

"Some of them get fearful that, 'Well, you've been my friend when you were overweight. Now you're going to go off and leave me,'" she said.

For the person who has lost weight, the newfound confidence and self-esteem that often emerges as a side effect of weight loss significantly can alter relationships, said Graham Brannan, social worker with Memorial Hospital's Weight Management Center.

"People start standing up for themselves a lot more," he said. "When you don't think you're worthy of respect, then you tolerate that (disrespect) from others. When you start practicing having respect for yourself, we stop tolerating that from others."

Lifestyle changes also break down unhealthy habits that may have bonded friends in the past, such as watching TV and eating together, Dr. Cates said.

"When people lose a major amount of weight, they lose much more than weight. They oftentimes lose eating buddies," she said.