KarenSherman

Tips for Truly Intimate Relationships

Certainly when you go into a long-term relationship with a mate, you’re hoping that you’ve found someone with whom you share the same values and think that you’ll have a lot in common.  You believe that this is, among so many other available people, the person who will best meet your needs and mesh with who you are. More…

A Simple Solution for a Long-Standing Relationship Problem

As I have so often reminded this readership, having been in private practice as long as I have, there are many recurring themes in the couples I see.  One of these patterns is the frustration experienced by women that her mate will not take responsibility when he has done something wrong. I must confess that as a woman, aside from being a psychologist, I have felt the same way in my own marriage.  However, something recently happened that was an “Aha” moment for my husband of almost 34 years.  I wanted to share it with you since I really do feel it can be a simple solution for so many others. The root of the problem More…

Building a Solid Foundation

Not only am I a relationship expert, but I am very committed to trying to help couples make their marriages work.  To be honest, I guess part of it comes from the fact that I played this role as a little girl between my own parents.  And, in reality, when parents do choose to divorce, their children will ask, “Wasn’t I important enough to you for you to try to work it out?” More…

A Nuance in Handling Conflicts

I've been practicing as a psychologist specializing in relationships for a very long time. And after so many years, though the particulars of each couples' situation will vary, there are several themes that do get repeated. One of the more common ones is the frustration a woman will feel when there's a problem because her mate is likely not to want to talk about it. Of course, there can be variations on this theme; it can range from an unwillingness to discuss the matter at all (stonewalling) to being open to talking about it -- but generally only for a short time. How it plays out More…

Connecting Dots to All the Wrong Places

I'm very fortunate -- I love my work! Not only do I feel a real sense of purpose when I help people but I truly find it fascinating. Trying to understand people's emotions and what brings them to respond as they do is like a big puzzle. Of course, sometimes that puzzle becomes very frustrating ... because people have connected the dots in a way that makes perfect sense to them and therefore lead them to act the way they do. But the truth of the matter is that the sense is only in their mind. I've often mentioned in this post that when I experience the same situation a couple of times in close proximity, I believe it's meant to show me a lesson. I think I'm supposed to expose this phenomenon to help others perhaps learn from it. This time for sure More…

Let’s Get Ready for Valentine’s Day

Well, one of the big romantic days is almost upon you -- or at least, that's what Hallmark tells you. And being a relationships expert, how can I possibly overlook this day? Usually, all of my posts are totally original. But I do a great deal of reading to stay on top of any new research or findings in the field. I'm sure most of you know, if not by things you've heard in the media, then by your personal experience, that the needs of men and women are different. I came across some information in this regard that can be applied to Valentine's Day. Since I believe it's really helpful, I want to pass it on to you. So, thank you, in part, Dr. Willard Harley, for these great tips! More…

Connecting Through Troubled Times

I certainly do not have to tell any of you that this is a time of great economic difficulty. This situation is occurring globally and in some form has an impact on everyone -- whether it is direct or indirect. No doubt, most of you are feeling the stress of this situation. In times of stress, people generally revert back to patterns that they have used in the past. And, many of these are, unfortunately, not ones that really help the situation. Rather, the typical types of reactions people exhibit are either lashing out in some form or shutting down. Having a good working relationship is no easy task. When you add stress to the equation, it makes it that much more difficult. How to make it better More…

Time for a Change

Given that our newest President has just been inaugurated, I would feel dismissive if I did not write a blog that had something to do with this event. Whether you voted for Obama or not, I can’t imagine that you did not find this particular inauguration exciting. What a historical moment! As I watched the farewell ceremony of Bush getting on the helicopter to leave, I could not help to once again feel pride in being American witnessing the very smooth transition of government administrations that we enjoy. I found the entire ceremony quite beautiful. The new first couple More…

Come Out of Your Comfort Zone and Grow

I’m just back from a trip to Australia and New Zealand. Truth be told, these were never destinations that were on my short list. The motivation to go came from the fact that my daughter has been working in Australia for almost a year and I wanted to see her. The timing of the trip was determined by my school calendar -- I was in between semesters. Well, that had both an upside and a downside. It gave us enough time to do this lengthy voyage (both in getting there and in order to see the sights) but it took us away from the usual holiday festivities with friends at the Holiday Season. So, in all honesty, I was not making this journey in total excitement; rather, there was a bit of anxiety or discomfort. It is the latter that provokes the theme of this blog. More…

New Year – A Time for Change Part 2

So, have you started on those resolutions yet? How’s it going? I truly hope you read and re-read the skills I offered in last week’s blog. They really will help you achieve the results you want. As promised, today’s posting will talk about change as it pertains to your relationships. I think that there are a lot of expectations and misperceptions in this area. Hopefully, my writing will help to clarify some of these so you can have a better relationship in 2009! Some basics to watch out for More…