KarenSherman

New Year – A Time for Change Part 1

First, let me start out by wishing all of you a very Happy New Year! I hope that 2009 brings all of you the best and all that you wish for. Generally, you tend to think about the New Year as a time that marks change. And so, I’d like to address several components regarding change apropos to the tradition. In order to look at this subject from different aspects, I’m going to discuss it both in this week’s blog and next week. Today, I’ll address New Year’s Resolutions. After all, I’m sure many of you made some! More…

Reconnecting for the Holidays

In last week’s post, I made reference to the Holiday Season often being disappointing because it doesn’t live up to your expectations. Many of those expectations have to do with you relationships. As humans, relationships are vital to us. Of course, being part of a couple is generally what you think of when you hear the word ‘relationship.’ But, there are many different types of relationships, and they can be very significant to your sense of health and well-being: co-workers, friends, parents, siblings, and other relatives. But what about those of you who have strained relationships? Or, in extreme cases, when you are no longer talking to people who once had meaning to you? More…

The Stress of Holidays

We are officially into the Holiday Season and many of you have already had to deal with the stress of this time of year. But there’s more to come! I’m not referring to the gift buying and all the preparation, though those are certainly fraught with tension as well. But for many of you, the Holidays bring lots of emotional stress. As with anything else, you approach this time of year with expectations. These expectations come from a variety of sources: your upbringing, what you have observed in others, what the media displays. And for most, there is the belief that it is at this time of year that people are happily surrounded by loved ones sharing joyous memories and good times. The reality, however, more often than not, doesn’t match the thought process. More…

The Little Words to Make or Break Your Relationship

How often have you heard the phrase, “It’s the little things in life that really count?” Well, as a relationships expert who also tries to help people improve life in general, I certainly appreciate the meaning of that question. I started thinking about how it even applies to how you communicate with each other. So often, you are taught about how to use the right words. Certainly, a big concern is the tone that is employed. And let’s not forget the non-verbal language of facial expressions and the body. But then I realized that in just a matter of one, two, or three words, a message can be quite positive or negative. Counting it out More…

Being Grateful in Difficult Times

No doubt, you are all aware that the Holiday Season is upon us. The calendar says so. Perhaps some of you are hosting the Thanksgiving dinner and, therefore, are a bit more sensitive to the upcoming traditional time to celebrate. Yet, in these recent economic times, for many of you, it will be difficult to think in terms of celebrating. Rather, in times when things are tough, the contradiction in emotions may even bring on a sense of intense anxiety. Clearly, soon after Thanksgiving, Christmas and Chanukah and Kwanzaa occur. This year, especially, it may be a hardship to make the usual purchases. Hard to find the good More…

Write to Make Your Relationship Right – Part 2

Last week, I discussed with you the benefits of writing in order to help relieve the pent-up emotions you feel, whether they’re brought on by some incident with your mate or from something else. As I said, pent-up emotions that aren’t expressed, don’t go away. By doing free association writing, it allows you to purge them. When you do, not only will you feel better emotionally, but it will help to ensure that these feelings will not leak onto your partner. For the two of you But writing can also be a wonderful tool to use with your partner. More…

Write to Make Your Relationship Right

Every now and then, I speak with a couple who report to me that they never fight. When I hear that, a red flag goes up for me. It’s inevitable that couples are going to have conflicts. As a matter of fact, one of the predictors of whether a couple will last or not is how they handle their conflicts. There are actually skills that a couple can learn in order to deal with conflicts better. To help couples learn these skills, I offer a free teleseminar, “The 7 Tools to Manage Conflict Communication in Your Relationship.” Write on However, in today’s post, I want to discuss another technique that I don’t speak about in the teleseminar. This simple tool -- writing -- has wonderful value as has been proven by research. More…

Anatomy of a Commitment Issue

In last week’s post, I discussed with you the need everyone has to feel attached. In other words, we all want to feel like we matter to someone. This is a basic biological need that is present at birth and continues throughout life. I also told you a little bit about some research studies which indicated that the early attachment styles of children proved to be indicative of how someone relates in their later relationships. A Different Child One type of child in the study I referred to in last week’s post did not seem to have a problem when Mama left. She didn’t cry upon Mama’s leave-taking, was able to play on her own, didn’t need soothing from the stranger, and didn’t pay attention when Mama returned. More…

Attachment -- Not Such a Bad Thing

Though most people want to be part of a relationship, there’s also a familiar warning that you should not look to your partner to complete you. I, myself, have advised clients of this. Thinking that Prince (Princess) Charming is coming along and going to make all right in the world is a Hollywood fantasy. But this can be very confusing; especially as more and more is coming out in the relationship literature about the absolute necessity for attachment. Attachment is good but wanting to have your partner make you whole is bad? Yes! Some quick history More…

How Successful are You?

In every religion, there are certain times when the people of its faith are more focused on reflection. In the Jewish faith, we have just celebrated the New Year and at the time of this posting will be observing Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. During these eight days we are to look back at the past year, ask for forgiveness, and pray that we be inscribed in the Book of Life for the next year. As I did my own reflecting and listened to something the Rabbi said in his sermon, I was motivated to share some of my thoughts with you. I feel that given the current state of our society, they are particularly significant. Are you happy? More…