KarenSherman

Increasing Emotional Connections in Your Relationship - Part 2

  In last week’s blog, I spoke about the tool of validation as being an important one to help your partner feel understood. I explained that it wasn’t necessary for you to actually experience the situation or circumstances as your mate did in order to validate how he or she felt. By being able to use this tool, it would allow your mate to feel as if he or she matters. Today, I want to go further and talk about how to actually increase empathy. First understand that empathy is different than sympathy. In the latter, you are merely feeling sorry for someone. But when you are empathic, it is as if you have stepped into the other person’s shoes and you are able to understand how they are feeling. A missing ingredient More…

Increasing Emotional Connections in Your Relationship - Part 1

  Probably the biggest reason to be in a relationship is to feel connected. This is especially apparent in times of need -- in times when you want to be understood, to be heard. And, when your partner is not able to do this, it’s quite disappointing and frustrating, not to mention isolating. So, for the next three posts, I’d like to offer some insights and suggestions to assist you in helping to connect with each other. In today’s blog, there’s a tool I teach my couples called validation. Though at first it seems a bit difficult to grasp, using it really makes quite a difference. More…

The Nuances of Language in Your Relationship

Karen’s new book now available: Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life.  Check it out at: http://choicerelationships.com/mindfulness_and_the_art_of_choice.html I invite all of you to get a free monthly newsletter with relationship tips.  To sign up, go to: www.ChoiceRelationships.com      One of the main roles I see myself playing when I work with couples is that of a translator.  Generally, that’s because each party is so upset that their emotions are getting in the way of clear thinking.  Each one is not able to really hear what the other one is saying. But there’s another reason that this happens as well.  As I’ve often stated, even if the two of you share many commonalities, you’re still going to have differences in your styles because you were raised in different households.  You’ve picked up, in your early years, how your family expresses love.  And so, when you become part of a couple, you will give to your partner in the way you know how to; in the manner in which you were brought up. More…

Nostalgia in Your Relationship

Karen’s new book now available: Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life.  Check it out at: http://choicerelationships.com/mindfulness_and_the_art_of_choice.html I invite all of you to get a free monthly newsletter with relationship tips.  To sign up, go to: www.ChoiceRelationships.com      In my most recent book, “Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life,” I offer tools to help people stop living out the patterns they’ve learned in childhood that served as survival skills but are no longer serving them.  Clearly, having the word mindfulness in the title speaks to the idea of being present.  And this is certainly a concept that is being recognized by many as so important for enjoying one’s life. So it may seem a bit strange that in today’s blog I want to discuss a tool that would at first glance seem to suggest you live in the past.  That tool is the one of nostalgia.  Recent research has shown that reminiscing about the past serves as a potent mood booster as it brings back sweet memories.  Here are some of the other findings:  if you write about the memories, there is a greater enhancement of them.  An even further increase is obtained when the person visualizes the old memory.  Of course, thinking back on memories from the past can also be bitter sweet.   Finally, it was found that those people who naturally use nostalgia as part of their repertoire seem to be more positive in their outlook on life. More…

Killing Your Relationship with Your Thoughts

Karen’s new book now available: Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life.  Check it out at: http://choicerelationships.com/mindfulness_and_the_art_of_choice.html I invite all of you to get a free monthly newsletter with relationship tips.  To sign up, go to: www.ChoiceRelationships.com More…

Misunderstandings that Destroy Relationships

Karen’s new book now available: Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life.  Check it out at: http://choicerelationships.com/mindfulness_and_the_art_of_choice.html I invite all of you to get a free monthly newsletter with relationship tips.  To sign up, go to: www.ChoiceRelationships.com More…

Love is Blind

Karen's new book now available: Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life.  Check it out at: http://choicerelationships.com/mindfulness_and_the_art_of_choice.html I invite all of you to get a free monthly newsletter with relationship tips.  To sign up, go to: www.ChoiceRelationships.com Do you recall how it feels when you first fall in love with someone?  Those feelings are remarkable, like a natural “high,” the kind of stuff you wish could last forever.  And then for many reasons, those feelings go away.  For some, the relationship ends.  For others, it continues but in a more committed way.  Those of us who are in the relationship business try to teach you how you recapture those initial feelings. Perhaps, the biggest problem is for those whose relationship didn’t end but for whom it would have been better if it had.  After being with each other for the long haul, you start to realize that you weren’t really meant to be together.  How can this happen?  Well, love is one major emotional state and as that phenomenon, love is blind.  There are any number of things you’ll do in the name of love…and any number of things you’ll overlook. In today’s blog, I’d like to offer some tips on how to assess whether your relationship has some red flags. More…

The Impact of Your Relationship on Work

The expression, “Don’t mix business with pleasure,” is a familiar one.  Or, a variation of it is “It’s not personal -- it’s only business.”  Clearly, the attitude in our society is one that separates out the emotional aspect from the business one.  I sort of wonder if this is a residual that is left over from the fact that traditionally, only men worked while women stayed at home with the kids.  And if a women did enter the work force she had to be tough.  Heaven help the woman who demonstrated any behavior that was emotional. Since last week’s post was about helping to connect with your partner while you’re at work, I’d like to continue today on the theme of work.  And I’ll deviate a bit from my usual blogs in that I want to make commentary that’s a little bit of “coloring outside the lines,” so to speak. More…

Working on Your Relationship While at Work

The days of working 9-5 are long gone.  I don’t think I have to tell any of you about the stress that has increased in our society.  The rise of mental illness is increasing, the leading contenders being anxiety, depression, and substance abuse; and all of these are attributed to stress. More…

Another Relationship Difference

I’m not sure if you’re aware of recent research indicating the gender differences in reaction to stress.  The study employed a functional MRI to look at the brains of men and women while they were given a stressful task to do.  The finding was that different areas of the brain responded in men than it did in women.  And so, yet again, it is being shown that there are biological variations between the sexes. When I inform couples in my practice of research such as this, it has an interesting, though predictable, result.  Suddenly, the hurt or insult felt doesn’t feel so bad any more.  That’s because there’s an acceptance that the behavior on the part of the mate is due to a biological difference and not because he or she doesn’t care. Of course, what is being studied by research such as this is the fact that men and women are wired differently.  It does not necessarily address how one will react in times of stress. In today’s post, I want to offer some awareness of what happens during times of stress.  After all, especially in today’s world, there’s a great likelihood that you’ll experience stress of some sort -- finances, children, sick and/or elderly parents, etc.  And this will absolutely get played out in your relationship.  More…