KarenSherman

Dangerous Stories to You and Your Relationship Part 2

In last week’s post, I spoke to you about the stories you tell yourself that originated in your childhood and have now become a part of you and how you see the world.  As I said, these stories help to identify who you are.  And, unfortunately, they also entrap you because you don’t think there’s any other way to be -- that’s just who you are. Of course, it’s almost stating the obvious to say that when something impacts you, it will also have consequences on your relationship.  But I think it’s important to spell it out because once armed with this knowledge, you have a greater likelihood to not do it. More…

Dangerous Stories to You and Your Relationship Part 1

When you are a child full of innocence, it’s wonderful to live in the world of imagination and to be able to make up all sorts of stories.  And some people, when they are older, have the gift of being a talented storyteller either verbally or by the written word.  But there’s a variation of storytelling that I wish to discuss with you today that can have serious negative implications for both yourself and your relationships. The evolution of your story More…

Silence is Golden: Not!

So often when you learn things as children, you continue to believe them into your adulthood without question and live by what you’ve been taught -- almost as if on “automatic pilot.”  Certainly, the concept that “silence is golden” is one of those beliefs.  Here’s another version of it: “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything.” However, one of the responsibilities you have as an adult, as well as a freedom, is to question what you’ve been taught.  In this post, I’d like to offer you some specific examples of when following that teaching can actually make things worse! More…

Is Your Valentine's Day Happy?

Since my blogs get posted on Thursdays and today is February 14, as a relationship expert, I would feel remiss in not acknowledging Valentine’s Day.  So, first -- Happy Valentine’s Day! For some of you, it’s a really nice day.  You’ll be getting any number of “markers” to remind you that you are cared about, that you are loved.  It may come in the form of a card or an e-card or flowers or a present.  And, of course, the sentiment has been expanded to no longer be only for those involved in what is traditionally thought of as a relationship.  I, myself, sent cards to my daughters. More…

Argument Settled: It's Important to Fight

As a relationships expert, I believe one of my responsibilities to you is to keep you abreast of the newest information in the field.  Also, I feel that it is my obligation to you to offer you the soundest advice about what will make your relationship the strongest and dispel any myths you may have.  After all, most of you are way over stressed and there is bound to be negative consequences in your partnership because of that.  Therefore, if I can help you cut through to the “skinny” it will hopefully afford you a much more satisfactory life. So, with that being said, I’m not sure how many of you heard that research that came out this past week.  It was found that it’s healthier for couples to argue.  Now at first glance, that might seem strange.  But given a little thought, it really makes sense. More…

True Relationship Intimacy

Being humans, there are several things that separate our relationships from those of lower species.  One of those is the ability to be intimate.  Now you might be thinking, “Well, that’s not really true -- animals can be intimate with each other.”  But I’m not referring to physical intimacy.  Rather, I’m discussing emotional intimacy. But what is emotional intimacy exactly?  After all, it’s hard to work towards something if you don’t know what it is.  As far as I’m concerned, when a couple shares this kind of closeness, they have a very special bond. More…

Whose Fault? - Mine!

I think it’s fair to say that you and I have a relationship at this point.  And yet, one of the points I try to drive home is how very important it is to be mindful in one’s relationship.  Well, it appears that somehow I made a big boo-boo in last week’s blog.  Without realizing it, I didn’t copy and paste the entire entry. Didn’t it seem irregular, didn’t it seem different than my usual format?  There were three comments but no one asked, “What happened to the rest of the blog?”  Personally, I was horrified when I realized that I’d made this mistake.  So, go back to last week’s posting for the first two paragraphs and now here’s the rest (and… don’t forget to pay closer attention to your partners!) More…

Whose Fault Is It Anyway?

Is your relationship getting you down?  Do you feel like you and your mate have disconnected big time?  Are you having a hard time remembering why you chose to be with this person?  Do you have a laundry list of behaviors that irk you about your partner? The reason I ask you these questions is because these are the very things I hear from the couples I work with in my practice.  Hopefully, these are raised in the first one or two sessions and then we start to get to work on how to make changes. More…

Communication 101

If I were questioned as to what is the number one complaint that couples present to me as the reason for coming in for help it would be that they have problems communicating.  And, in fact, as I listen to them, I would agree.  Very often, at least initially, I act as a translator between the two of them.  Because I am not emotionally involved, I can hear the underlying intentions and express them in a clearer way. But what I have come to realize is that what is also part of the problem is that people don’t understand what communication means.  Just the other day I was working with a couple where the male was making a point.  The problem was that he was making the same point over and over again.  I could actually see his wife pulling into herself and distancing from him.  As I tried to point this out, he said, “But I thought coming here was about communicating.” More…

Is Chivalry Dead or Should It Be?

In the American society, I’ve noticed that the concept of chivalry has a mixed review.  For many women, the idea of having a door held open or a man standing when she enters a room is still very romantic.  Other women don’t expect, nor want, to feel a sense of not being equal, and so being treated this way would be annoying. In the area of gender roles, certainly things have equalized out.  Due to the economy, it is now necessary, in most families for both the man and woman work.  And, it is far more typical to see men involved in child rearing.  And yet, in the past week, I heard three similar versions of the same male attitude that strikes of traditionalism! More…