Susan Anderson

For many, Valentines Day is another reminder of the love that seems to be missing in our lives, causing our abandonment issues to rise to the surface. 

Some of us are alone because we haven't been able to find that someone special. The lack of belonging to someone feels especially painful at this time.

Some of us are going through a breakup, and our sense of loss and longing intensify as Valentine's Day approaches.

Some of us are caught up in patterns of abandonment and feel frustrated with ourselves as well as our potential lovers.

Some of us are in relationships in which we feel a loss of love. Valentine's Day reminds us that our romantic dreams are not fulfilled. Read more…

I've been working with heartbroken people for over 25 years as a psychotherapist. I've listened closely as they tell me they've been abandoned again and again, can't seem to find someone, can't get a quality relationship to last. The truth is that they are experiencing invisible barriers that prevent them from finding the right love. The first step to overcoming these barriers is understanding them. Here are some of the common scenerios: Read more…

You're in a committed relationship. Or so you thought. But do you get the feeling that one of you is hedging your bets? Does your mate still act as if he or she is interested in meeting new people? You can sometimes suspect that your partner is still open to this possibility by the way others respond to him or her. Read more…

One of the major reasons heartbreak hurts so much is the lack of closure. Sometimes remaining friends with your ex offers the opportunity to maintain a dialogue in which a greater understanding about the issues leading to the breakup can be exchanged. Other times, contact with an ex can prolong the pain and delay closure. Read more…

We all know people who are stuck in patterns. They're alone and unfulfilled because they keep pursuing unavailable partners. When someone comes along who is genuinely interested, they push him or her away because they feel no attraction. Their lives are caught up in cycles of abandonment.

Why do we keep repeating the same patterns over and over and what can we do about them? Read more…

So many of you write about the pain you feel when someone you're attached to turns out to be emotionally unreliable. So why is it so hard to leave these types of relationships?

Simply put, it seems that negative attractions can be more compelling than positive ones. Traumatic bonding, a highly prevalent condition of human relationship, has an addictive biochemistry of its own. Fear and pain are powerful reinforcers -- powerful enough, in many cases, to turn even the strongest into Pavlov's dogs, salivating for someone we know is no good for us. Read more…

Blaming yourself for your relationship's failure to thrive is a most painful type of regret. Beating yourself for losing someone's love is true agony.

People often blame themselves for breakups, believing that their insecurity is what drove their partner away. Read more…