Since November, Ive been saying to myself, you just have to make it to the end of February. Then you can have a breather. The last few years were intensely busy for me, and I knew that my energy was low. But I had booked several lucrative training opportunities and workshops in January and February. I just had to slog through.
My body had other ideas. Mid January I started to feel a sharp pain in my back. I thought it was my usual back spasms and did all my tricks. Nothing worked. So five days later I reluctantly landed in the doctors office, asking her for a muscle relaxant. I know what this is, I declared, Ive dealt with it for decades. She listened and was just about to take out her prescription pad when she said, Let me take a look. Then, hum, Im glad you came in. You have shingles and need to take an antiviral right away.
Id made the classic mistake I talk about in AdaptAbility. My brain had told me this was just the same old thing when it was really something different. That assumption had led me to delay treatment by several days. But that was the least of my worries.
First a brief medical foray into shingles. If youve ever had chicken pox, it never really goes away. It lives in your nervous system and under stress (hint, hint) it can break out along a particular nerve pathway. Mine is in my upper back on the right side, coming around under my arm pit, across my chest and down my arm. Nerve pain is not fun and Ive now had it for six weeks. Think of being bitten by fire ants. How long it lasts depends on the person; some folks have it for months or years. The first 2-3 weeks I lay in bed wishing I were dead. Now Im functioning but with pain.
Time to stop and learn my lesson so my body wont have to keep shouting at me. The first thing I realize is a lesson I learned in my 20s but apparently I needed to hear again: you know all those things you absolutely have to do? You and the world will survive if you dont do them. My husband and child fed themselves and did laundry, although the house did look like a bomb went off in it once I arose from my bed. Speeches and workshops were canceled, my colleagues did the trainings without me. Yes, my bank account took a hit but the world hasnt ended. Maybe if I didnt push myself with so many musts and should I wouldnt be in this jam in the first place.Life has a way of dropping signs and hints of what we need to be thinking about and changing. If we ignore the subtle ones, they get louder and louder to grab our attention. I knew Id gone beyond my capacity but I treated myself like a machine, not a human being.Now that Im up again, Im operating very differentlynot booking clients for 6am, but staying in bed till 7 or even 8, saying thanks but no thanks to all sorts of things.Most importantly, Ive been thinking a lot about my yeses and noes. Whenever we say yes to one thing, were always saying no to something else. Its just a law of life. So my belated new years resolution is to say no more to the outside world so I can say yes to myself.
Your Yes and NoWhat do you need to say no to so you can say yes to something else? No to fear and yes to standing on your own two feet, as a client of mine has been doing. Or no to a demanding child so you can say yes to 20 minutes of peace and quiet for yourself. Or no to taking time off and yes to a new work challenge.If you pay attention to those small quiet thoughts of yours rather than ignoring or suppressing them, youll know what you need to say no and yes to. Heres a hintthe right answer always feels difficult or downright impossible. Im not sure why, but it sure seems to be true.Im hoping that you can be braver than I was in listening and responding and therefore will avoid being knocked flat.About the Author: M.J. Ryan is one of the creators of The New York Times bestselling Random Acts of Kindness series and the author of many other bestselling books, including her latest: AdaptAbility: How to Survive Change You Didn't Ask For. She is a contributing editor to Health and Good Housekeeping magazines and has appeared on The Today Show, CNN, and hundreds of radio programs.
