Discussion
Roots and Wings
Posted 6/29/08 9:36 PM
Roots and Wings
Have you heard the express, give your children roots and wings? Well, my wife and I got the roots part down pat, but the wings part is a work in progress. Our daughter is 28 years old and has an OK job (her description) working as a customer service rep for a cable company. She is living at home, although she makes enough that could probably get a nice apartment, especially if she shares with a roommate. But she says she wants to wait until she has enough saved for a downpayment on a condo. My wife and I are not really put out by her living at home, but worry that she might be afraid to make a move.
Anyone else have any insights into this?
--Greg
Posted 03/04/09 10:59 PM
Roots and Wings
I know..wings is a hard part. For myself, my oldest son was reluctant to leave the nest. I loved him dearly, and he could have lived with me for the rest of his life...but that wasn't going to give him the wings he needed to make sure he was flying solo before I left the planet.
So....I made life at my house a bit difficult for him. He couldn't stay out all night and had to be home by 2am...which proved to be a problem for him when he got a girlfriend.
He had to pay me $200 every 2 weeks for his part of the bills (which was actually a lot less than his part...lol) but that proved to be a bit of a problem for him because he thought I was over charging him and it ought to be free...lol.
It took quite a while, but eventually he realized he would rather be independent of me. For me it was a weird sort of happiness when he moved out...part of me would have let him stay forever, but the better part of me knew this was something he had to do...and he crashed the first time, came back home for 2 months with the same rules and his second shot at it, he finally soared! That was 5 years ago, and he is doing just fine and still loves me...lol.
Posted 07/02/08 11:18 PM
Hi Greg, I read your note
Hi Greg, I read your note with interest because I had a similar situation in my house. My son, came home from college with zero motivation to do anything with his life! He talked about planning to go on to grad school (that'll be the day!) but mostly he just worked dead-end jobs and stayed at home for Five Years! One day, my wife and I finally got completely fed up and gave him an ultimatum. That was the motivation he needed and, believe me, we're all much better off for it.
Posted 06/30/08 4:20 PM
Does she seem happy? Has she
Does she seem happy? Has she always been a saver in terms of money?
I have two girls. One is extremely money-savvy and the other cannot hold on to a dime and lives paycheck to paycheck. The first opted to live at home and do just as your daughter says she's doing -- save money to buy a home -- which she saw as an investment.
The other opted to move in with a friend (who, by the way she is no longer friends with) and spend her money on rent.
Maybe your daughter sees rent as a waste of money like my first daughter. If that's the case, she's making a smart investment. Is she really saving money, though? If not, sit her down and talk to her. Maybe she does have a case of self-clipped wings. -- Kim
Posted 12/01/08 4:12 PM
I have one daughter. I
I have one daughter. I wish she had stayed at home and saved money to get a good start. She also lives paycheck to paycheck and never saved a dime. I made the mistake of helping her out without her "helping herself". She is 27 years old, now has a child to look after, and she still keeps calling on me for money. I'm in credit card debt helping her when I should have learned to say 'no' from the start. I made my bed and so did she. Hope you have better luck with your daughter. Sharon
Posted 03/04/09 6:48 PM
Sharon, get out from under!
Sharon, get out from under! Tell your daughter that you are in serious credit card debt because of 'helping' and that you have got to cut the strings. If you don't do this she will not change her behavior and you will die poor and in debt. If she gets mad and won't let you see her child that is blackmail and giving in to a blackmailer is a bad idea.
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