Expert Advice Q&A: My Daughter-in-Law Keeps My Son from Me

I am so sick and tired of hearing about this monster Mother-In-Laws. What about this possessed daughter-in-laws. My daughter in law really had me fooled when they were dating. She used to say the one thing that had attracted her to my son was how close he was to his mother. My husband and I are both retired service member, and due to this relationship decided to stay in the town we retired in, instead of going home to where all our family was. When they were dating we were included in all her family events, Thanksgiving, Christmas you name it we were included. It was going to be one big happy family. When they were dating we used to have girls afternoons out, lunch, shopping, movies, nails, hair you name it we did it. Since the day he married her we have not gone out once, not for my lack of trying, she just can never find the time. They dated for 3 years, and we spent every holiday with her family, I thought this was great since we had moved around so much during our careers and were dislocated from our family. They married shortly before the holiday period, and that year we were told that her family just wanted close "family" gathering that year, and every year since. No matter what we do we cant win. We live approximately 2 miles from them and hardly ever see them, we only talk to our son when we call him. He says it just causes too much trouble. They live in between her mother and her mother's mother. Everytime we call they already have plans with her family. My sons says the road runs both ways and that we never stop by either, but we (my husband and I) did that once and he wasn't home and our daughter in law told us how much she didn't like people just dropping by. But when we call and want to stop by she makes excuses. When on the rare occassion they come to our house, she won't speak to me, and they fight over some whispered (yes she whispers in his year) and then they leave. Never staying very long. I get so upset, we have three sons, one is a service member, one is a police officer, and one is still in high school. I worry all the time that something is going to happen to one of the older boys because of the line of work they are in, so I try really hard not to argue with our son. All three boys were always close, until our middle child got married. Now everything we do is minus one, the other boys aren't allowed to spend time with our married son because they are single. We are all disgusted with the situation. This last Christmas our son told us want he really wanted for Christmas it was really expensive but we decided it would make him happy. My husband and I shopped all over and decided exactly where and what type we were going to purchase, I made the horrible mistake of telling my daughter in law that we were going that weekend and pick it up, she then informed me that her father was taking him the next day and get it for him. To make a long story short we decided on something else, and her father never bought him the item he really wanted, it was too expensive! Of course she never shared that with us, until after Christmas. They were also supposed to stop by and have dinner Christmas eve, because Christmas day they were spending with her parents (who they spend everyday with, she can't cook so her mother fixes them dinner every night), my son got off work at 7:00 so we planned the big family dinner for 7:30, at 8:00 when I called she answered the phone and said they were at her Grandmothers, and would stop by later. They showed up for a gift exchange at 9:00 and left by 9:30. b The whole holiday was ruined for everyone. Knowing my daughter-in-law like I do, I never call my son and ask him anything that I don't check with my daughter-in-law first. So when we decided we would like to take a family vacation to Disney, I called her first (I had to call three times before she took my call), I told her that because our other son would be leaving the country soon we wanted to take everyone to Disney for a family vacation (all expenses paid) for that spring, and did she think that was something her and our son would like to do. She said they would love it, I told her we wanted to go at the end of March, first of April, she again agreed that it was plenty of notice for them both to take off work. We discussed planning a five day trip, because she did not want to fly. I had gotten her permission so I called my son to discuss it with him, he also was excited and said he could get off work. I spent two weeks planning the trip, getting everything together. I had discussed it with the other two boys and everyone was excited. This weekend they stopped by (to pick up his Christmas gift he had left here) and I mentioned that everything was set, and our daughter-in-law said that her best friend had recently gotten engaged and even thou they had not set the date yet that if they got married this year she would have to take some vacation as the maid of honor, so her and my son would not be able to go on vacation! I said it was just two works days in conjunction with the weekend, she said that she just couldn't take the time off, and neither could our son. I just sat there looking at her. I really want to blow up and tell her what a self centered controlling little witch she is, but again I would expect that my son would be put in the middle, and he was raised that once you take a wife, she is the center of your world, and she should always come first. I really wanted to be a good mother-in-law, but no matter what I do, I cant win. So you see I think us mother-in-laws get a bum wrap, maybe if some of those daughter-in-laws looked deep inside they would she that maybe some of the evil stories about mother-in-laws begin with them.