Many Parents Practice 'Parenting By Lying'

Many parents say honesty is the best policy, but many parents lie to their children and many children notice, U.S. and Canadian researchers say.

Gail Heyman, professor of psychology at the University of California in San Diego, Diem Luu, a former UCSD student and Kang Lee, professor at the University of Toronto, asked parents to report on lying to their children to promote appropriate behavior or to make them happy. The researchers refer to this practice as "parenting by lying."

"We are surprised by how often parenting by lying takes place," Lee said in a statement. "Moreover, our findings showed that even the parents who most strongly promoted the importance of honesty with their children engaged in parenting by lying."

In another study, the researchers surveyed college students' recollections about their parents' lying and obtained similar results -- parents often lie to their children even as they tell them lying is unacceptable.

Heyman says there are occasions when it is appropriate to be less than truthful with a child: "Telling a 2-year-old you don't like their drawing is just cruel."

However, Heyman says she urges parents to think through the issues and consider alternatives before resorting to the expedient lie.

The findings are published in The Journal of Moral Education.