What We (Almost) Never Say About Being a Mom

The Truth About Motherhood

Posted by Third Age on May 10, 2012 4:26 PM

Last month, Jill Smokler's "Confessions of a Scary Mommy" zoomed nearly to the top of the Amazon Best Seller list for books about motherhood. According to ABCnews.com, the book "has blown the lid off of what should and should not be said when discussing the experience of motherhood." Now, with Mother's Day coming up this Sunday, we were inspired to go Jill one better. Her spot-on and wryly humorous observations are from her vantage point as a young mother of three in the throes of bringing up her kids. Here at ThirdAge, we can relate to that in retrospect but as seasoned veterans, we can also add some truths about being a mom that Jill has yet to experience. Here's our list. After you've read it, why not go to our forum and add your own revelations on the subject? Some of us really do love one kid more than the others. Jill sort of says that, but she softens her pronouncement by adding that her preference shifts frequently depending on which of her offspring is currently behaving the best. We, however, will be brutally honest and admit that for some of us, a golden child always was and always will be our secret favorite. Mourning for an empty nest lasts a really short time.

Oh sure, in the first days or weeks when the bustle of a busy household gives way to eerie calm, we feel somewhat bereft. But the realization that this amounts to early retirement from one of the toughest jobs on earth hits pretty quickly. As one Boomer put it, "Now the fun begins!"

You will forever be psychologically tethered to your kids.

On the other hand, just because the kids are out of the house doesn’t mean that your stint as a mother is really over. For the rest of your life, you will bolt out of bed when the phone rings in the middle of the night, certain that something has gone wrong with one of your brood. Likewise, you will somehow find a way to help your adult kids financially if they are in need. And you will turn your life upside down if your daughter wants you to travel halfway across the country to help when the baby comes or your son sounds depressed and lonely after his divorce. You will also agree to take in your kids' dogs and cats if your grandchildren turn out to be allergic. Once a mother, always a mother.

You will compare your kids to your friends' kids long past the sandbox years.

At first the competition was at the level of who cut teeth the earliest, or who walked at nine months, or who had the biggest vocabulary for a pre-schooler. It escalated from there to grades and extra-curricular activities and, yes, physical attractiveness. (We said we were going to tell the truth!) But the urge to measure your kids against someone else's gets even more intense as they become adults. You read with chagrin on Facebook that your pal Midge's daughter married a millionaire and is an M.D. in her own right or that Gretchen's twins both have PhDs from Harvard or that Lorraine's son is running for governor. You swallow hard and try not to wonder where you went wrong.

And yet you will love your kids fiercely your whole life long.

The strength of your love isn't dimmed by the difficulties of being a mother and it doesn't lessen as time goes by. This may come as a surprise to Jill and her readers while they struggle through the childrearing phase of their lives. But we know without a doubt that it's true. Happy Mother's Day!