The Worries Of Being A Parent

Women talk to each other about their children, even when those children are all grown up. I noticed that again the other day when I had lunch with a woman I was meeting for the first time. We talked about a lot of things, but we spent quite a bit of time on our children, even, though, in my case, the children have children of their own.

I used to watch many all-female focus groups and the same thing would happen. Each woman, sitting around the table, would introduce herself, perhaps talk a little about her work or hobbies, and then, in far greater detail, share their kids ages, what their kids were doing. Sometimes they would boast about their achievements and other times even share the problems they might be having with the kids. Although strangers, they seem to know that talking about children would create an immediate woman-to-woman intimacy and understanding. Even if they were married, they hardly ever talked much about the men in their lives.

Ive always thought that dealing with adult children is far more difficult than raising small ones. Whether you were a Spock softie or a Tiger Mom-before-her-time, once your kids grow up, you end up with the same concerns but none of the control. At the same time, our kids these days take a long, long time to grow up. A demographer friend once told me that because we live longer, we do, of course, stretch out our middle age. Thats why we like to think that 60 is the new 40. But, at the same time we happily extend those middle years, our children are adding years to their adolescence. Todays twenty-five year old is probably a lot more like the seventeen- year-old of past decades. Yes, Im sure youve noticed, they stay immature a lot longer.