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What Causes Irritable Male Syndrome?

Posted July 6, 2009 4:00 PM
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By Jed Diamond

Jed Diamond, Ph.D., is the author of The Irritable Male Syndrome: Understanding and Managing the 4 Key Causes of Aggression and Depression

Dear Dr. Diamond,

Over the past three years especially, I have noticed that my relationship with my wife has begun to deteriorate. In the past there were open displays of affection and frequent verbal affirmations. Now, I seem to be irritable all the time. My attitude seems to be "don't come near me, don't talk to me, I had a hard day, I want the entire world to piss off."

She now rarely tries to hug me, never initiates sex, and talks to me about half as much as she used to. It's gotten to the point where I find out what's going on in her life from my mother or sisters. We're both miserable and its ruining our lives. I don't understand what is causing me to act this way. Can you help me? Robert.

Based on the research and feedback on more than 60,000 men, we have a much better understanding of what is causing IMS. Although triggers vary, man to man, we found that there were four key elements at the core of most men's problems:

  1. Hormonal fluctuations.
  2. Biochemical changes in brain chemistry.
  3. Increasing stress.
  4. Loss of male identity and purpose.

Hormonal causes

5n order to understand the way in which hormonal fluctuations cause IMS in men, we need to know something about testosterone. Theresa L. Crenshaw, M.D., author of The Alchemy of Love and Lust, describes testosterone this way: "Testosterone is the young Marlon Brando-sexual, sensual, alluring, dark, with a dangerous undertone." She goes on to say that "It is also our 'warmone,' triggering aggression, competitiveness, and even violence. Testy is a fitting term." We know that men with testosterone levels that are too high, can become angry and aggressive. But recent research shows that most hormonal problems in men are caused by testosterone levels that are too low.

Dr. Gerald Lincoln, who coined the term "Irritable male syndrome," found that lowering levels of testosterone in his research animals caused them to become more irritable, biting their cages as well as the researchers who were testing them. Larrian Gillespie, M.D., an expert on male and female hormones says, "Low testosterone is associated with symptoms of Irritable Male Syndrome."

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pokerhead's picture
Posted August 28, 2009 8:21 PM
This issue is most likely beginning to affect most men today over 40. I found out through unfortunately through suffering a mild stroke last year, that I had low Testosterone. This is because I am now taking blood pressure medications and heart medications as a result of my stroke last year. Those type of medications lower Testosterone. I sound like a geezer, but I am a 55 year old bodybuilder. I am in great shape for my age. Prior to the stroke, my wife and I had sex 2-3 times a week. If for some strange reason we went longer than a week, we both went crazy. After my stroke, I lost my ability to have sex. This was because I had left-side weakness, not strictly because lack of desire. I had continuous erections in the hospital. Very embarassing, but you cannot turn off sexual drive. When I came home from the hospital, I noticed my desire for sex was lower. This was not normal for me. I told my doctor about it and he ran a series of blood tests for low Testosterone. Sure enough, it was low. Now I am taking the male hormone every day. I'm horny all the time. I am really showing signs of youth. I have always looked younger than I really am, but now I feel like a young man again. I also take Levitra which battles the ED due to my medications. Hey men, think about this. Talk to your doctor. Don't be alarmed at all. It can be treated. You are not old.
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Csnyder's picture
Posted August 11, 2009 6:31 PM
I am glad to learn that there is a rational explanation for behavior that can seem completely irrational. My 50 year old husband started experiencing bouts of nastiness a few years ago and I am often the target. He apologizes the next day but has never been able to explain what comes over him. It's like someone flips a switch in his head. I can almost see it happen - and he can feel it - and the only thing I can do is keep my distance for the rest of the evening. Once he falls asleep I feel safe, knowing that he'll be himself in the morning. Needless to say, this is not a recipe for the kind of close relationship we both crave. (He is normally a very affectionate man.) Just reading about the experiences of others in eerily similar situations is comforting, because these symptoms tend to be isolating and it's hard to know who to trust with the stories of situations that sound petty and stupid in the light of day. It's too easy to find advice of the "all men are jerks" variety, which doesn't work for me because I love this man and intend to spend the rest of my life with him. Jed, I have ordered your book and look forward to reading it. I'm feeling more hopeful about finding ways - probably small ones at first - to improve our lifestyle habits and relationship. Thanks!
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guenwyvar's picture
Posted July 17, 2009 7:06 PM
I totally agree with you! I used to notice the same thing about midlife women & older men: picky,critical & nasty,esp to younger people & I also made the same promise to myself never to get like that.My mom,who was a teacher,never got like that & used to say "life is what you make it". My dad,also a teacher went thru a period of IMS in his 50's when his beloved school was phased out,he was put in a school he didn't like & began to put on weight. Mom insisited he see a doc & he turned out to have hi blood pressure,& borderline diabetes. He lost weight & went back to his usual humorous self. Both remained cheerful & youthful til the end. My brother had a worse episode of IMS than our dad. He'd made numerous bad decisions causing his business ventures & his marriage to fail. He became nasty & argumentive to the point where I told him off & threatened to shun him. It took a few months but he got over it & is now back to normal. I think attitude, decisions you made in the past, your level of optimism & how you cope with life's stresses have a lot to do with this syndrome. Many folks blindly follow the beaten path of what an elder is supposed to be like. They get a certain age,the light goes out,the "shoulds & oughts" of midlife behavior come into play & they become "old". I'm past 50 & still do what I used to do: I keep fit by going to the gym,being active & doing yoga & can pass for someone many years younger.One sourpuss woman I know,who loves attention & used to be known as a beauty,has become so picky & critical that she's developed lines of unpleasantness & anger in her face that make her look years older...and she's only a year older than I am.
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mistechal's picture
Posted July 17, 2009 4:56 PM
You know, .... it's still a choice. When I was a young woman, I noticed how middle aged women were so abrasive. I made my choice long ago to never become one of those women. Sometimes it doesn't work so well for me, but I am glad that I am not a miserable old woman. I am now single, having divorced my antagonistic husband of 25 years. I prefer to date younger men. They still have that light of hope in themselves, they look for the best in all circumstances. That's not to say all middle aged men are cantankerous old curmudgeons, but many that I have known have let life beat them down, and are no longer the bright lights they once were. Some of my friends value me because I present as a fairly immature person for my age, others castigate me for that same quality. I don't really care either way, but I do appreciate a man who still maintains that quality of youthful vulnerability. Like I stated originally, it's a choice. We are the sum of the choices that we make.
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