What Causes Irritable Male Syndrome?

I am glad to learn that there is a rational explanation for behavior that can seem completely irrational. My 50 year old husband started experiencing bouts of nastiness a few years ago and I am often the target. He apologizes the next day but has never been able to explain what comes over him. It's like someone flips a switch in his head. I can almost see it happen - and he can feel it - and the only thing I can do is keep my distance for the rest of the evening. Once he falls asleep I feel safe, knowing that he'll be himself in the morning. Needless to say, this is not a recipe for the kind of close relationship we both crave. (He is normally a very affectionate man.) Just reading about the experiences of others in eerily similar situations is comforting, because these symptoms tend to be isolating and it's hard to know who to trust with the stories of situations that sound petty and stupid in the light of day. It's too easy to find advice of the "all men are jerks" variety, which doesn't work for me because I love this man and intend to spend the rest of my life with him. Jed, I have ordered your book and look forward to reading it. I'm feeling more hopeful about finding ways - probably small ones at first - to improve our lifestyle habits and relationship. Thanks!

I totally agree with you! I used to notice the same thing about midlife women & older men: picky,critical & nasty,esp to younger people & I also made the same promise to myself never to get like that.My mom,who was a teacher,never got like that & used to say "life is what you make it". My dad,also a teacher went thru a period of IMS in his 50's when his beloved school was phased out,he was put in a school he didn't like & began to put on weight. Mom insisited he see a doc & he turned out to have hi blood pressure,& borderline diabetes. He lost weight & went back to his usual humorous self. Both remained cheerful & youthful til the end. My brother had a worse episode of IMS than our dad. He'd made numerous bad decisions causing his business ventures & his marriage to fail. He became nasty & argumentive to the point where I told him off & threatened to shun him. It took a few months but he got over it & is now back to normal. I think attitude, decisions you made in the past, your level of optimism & how you cope with life's stresses have a lot to do with this syndrome. Many folks blindly follow the beaten path of what an elder is supposed to be like. They get a certain age,the light goes out,the "shoulds & oughts" of midlife behavior come into play & they become "old". I'm past 50 & still do what I used to do: I keep fit by going to the gym,being active & doing yoga & can pass for someone many years younger.One sourpuss woman I know,who loves attention & used to be known as a beauty,has become so picky & critical that she's developed lines of unpleasantness & anger in her face that make her look years older...and she's only a year older than I am.