All Sex Q&A

You've written that according to your research, the number one reason men give for not having sex with their wives is: "She's not sexually adventurous enough." What do they men mean by that? And don't women have legitimate complaints of that nature too?

I am 60 and my husband is 64 and we have been married for 5 years. We no longer have sex because my husband carries on with other women. By that I mean he has “friends” that he talks to sexually -- 95% sexually explicit -- over the phone. I am not saying he pays for phone sex; these are women whom he has known longer than me.

When I explained to him how much these conversations hurt me, his comment was: “You just don't understand my friendship with these women.” He is not physically intimate with any of them but to me it is still infidelity.

I have gone to counseling. (He will not go so I went without him.) He says I am all he could want and treats me wonderfully in every other aspect of our marriage. I have completely withdrawn from intimacy, and am very depressed. My question is: Why does he do this?

I have recently been reading about a couple in their 40s who made love for 101 nights in a row [the story is recounted in Just Do It, by Douglas Brown]. This was disconcerting, since my husband and I only have sex about once every two weeks. Should I be concerned?

My wife has not wanted any sex for at least the past three years. She will not kiss, touch or feel. Any discussion of the subject brings a quick response such as, "That's all you ever think about."
For most of our years together, our love life was OK -- not great but OK. Now there just isn't any. We have had marriage counseling three times, but she refused to get personal counseling. She does get her yearly pap smear and mammogram, and there doesn't seem to be a physical problem -- she takes no medication at all, has never had any surgery, and she is usually lubricated easily. But she refuses to talk about this with a doctor. My libido is still good, but I am reduced to masturbation, which is not fulfilling. Yesterday she asked me that if I was so unhappy, why I didn't get a divorce. This could break us up. Any ideas?

Expert Advice: Tantra for One

Dear Suzie,

How can I incorporate the teachings of Tantra into my life without a partner? What techniques can I use to pleasure myself and how can I attract a new love using Tantra techniques? -- J.

Dear Suzie,

Sometimes I feel like I'm addicted to sex and that I'm looking for Tantra to justify that addiction. Any direction you might suggest?

-- B.

What Are the Best Body Parts to Kiss during Sex?

Where on your body are the best places to be kissed? Do these places have anything to do with our erogenous zones?

When Is My Monthly Sexual Peak? Are there times of the month when women have more or less sexual desire? If so, please explain.

I recently read your article about why men stop having sex with their wives. One reason that you didn't mention is that men get tired of being the instigator. Granted, there are men outside the norm who lose interest themselves, but I would venture to guess that oftentimes men are waiting for their wives to initiate the intimacy (i.e., "Let's see how long it takes her to ask me for sex"). Otherwise, the woman complains about being woken up, about missing Letterman, etc. To me, it's not worth it. I'll let her come to me. Or am I the only man facing such a problem?