All Family & friends Q&A

My parents have dementia and need my help with some basic things. I’m struggling with the new responsibilities and didn’t expect it to happen so soon. Your articles on ThirdAge are so helpful, but I feel like I need a caregiving course. Can you recommend some resources to help me feel less alone and to help me give my parents the best care?

My daughter has strict food rules for her children, and I just don't agree. I think my grandkids should be able to have some fun when they visit (ice cream, an occasional piece of candy, and soda -- if they wish). Is it bad that I go against her rules when they are over at our house? Could it really hurt their health?

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your book, "The Gifts of Caregiving: Stories of Hardship, Hope, and Healing" and listening to the accompanying CD, "Hardship into Hope: The Rewards of Caregiving." During your career as a public radio producer, writer, and speaker, you have interviewed countless well-known personalities and celebrities and have shared their stories with us through your wonderful books. Each person's story is unique and inspiring. Is there any one person you interviewed whose story or heartfelt experiences stood out and touched you more so than others?

Whenever my children come to visit and bring their grandchildren, I'm saddened to see how strictly my daughter-in-law disciplines the kids. I have to really bite my tongue. I've tried talking with my son about this, but he's not very responsive. Do I ask them to not come over any more? Should I lay down my own "house rules"?

I'm taking care of my grandchildren during the day as my daughter just returned to work. The situation is supposed to be temporary until they can find daycare ... but I'm finding that I love my time alone with my grandkids. I don't want to disrupt her plan, but I don't think she needs to pay for daycare when I'm having so much fun! What do you suggest I do?

My daughter-in-law enlisted my aid in wooing my son (I was sympathetic but remained neutral), and after marrying him has kept an extraordinarily tight reign on him. This precludes any normal relationship I might have been able to have with both of them. We've had many get-togethers but always, and only, on her terms. I've not seen them for four months (once it was three years), and their home is less than an hour's drive from mine. If he is in my area, she does not allow him to visit unless she is with him. I realize she can control him only if he lets her, but there are times when he has hugged me and said, "I'm sorry" without saying why. I can only guess. I do not try to influence either of them, do not ask them to do things for me (although I live alone) and am always friendly when we do get together.

Her parents live near me, and they see them. I do have a life apart from my children, but there is no substitute for my son's relationship with me. I do have another, more sensitive son and daughter-in-law, but they live out of the country and so I see them only once a year. As I grow older, the lack of support for me will become harder to accept, I'm sure. B.G.

I'm trying to choose the best dog food for my pup. Which nutrients are vital to my pet's health?

Ever since I took over caring for my aging parents, I have been feeling depressed. Is this normal? Is there anything I can do?