Of course its only human to get irritated especially if youve been married for a long time. According to a Hofstra University study, most of us report feeling some degree of pique at least a few times a week and when its focused and directed it can be positive. Healthy rancor can mobilize you to take action, set limits to the demands others make, think about why something matters so much, or defend yourself if attacked, says Tony Hope, MD, a psychiatrist and professor of medical ethics, and author of Managing Your Mind: the Mental Fitness Guide. But he also cautions, It can blind you to other ways of seeing things, understanding whats really important, and sharing responsibility, as well as finding peaceful options to dealing with real or imagined difficulties. Plus, it can blur the line between small, inconsequential annoyances, and big problems that shouldnt be ignored.
Here are some experts tips on how to deal with relationship difficulties:
ADVICE
Open up to a true friend.
Talk it over with someone who has your best interests in mind. Be sure your confidant is both supportive and honest.
Why this works
Women, especially, tend to ruminate, and they end up either rationalizing their anger or blaming themselves for the outburst. By sharing your story with a friend who really knows who you are, she can enable you to gain perspective, see the situation from a different angle, and help you to accept your emotions, says Eve A. Wood, MD, author of 10 Steps to take Charge of Your Emotional Life. Also by giving voice to your story, the emotional charge behind it gets diluted. Even better a good friend can suggest ways you might handle the conflict differently.
