No matter what age we are, as long as were alive and in love, theres always a chance our heart will break. Whats the best cure? Turns out the answer, is also an old adage -- Time.
Falling in love again soon, on the other hand, wont heal the heart. On the contrary, it might just get in the way of the mending process.
Recent studies show that at the end of a love relationship, either because of a break-up or divorce, your body actually suffers physical deprivation. It turns out the chemistry of love is real. Its called phenylethylalmine and it creates a response somewhat like an amphetamine high. When a loving relationship ends, the brain stops producing the phenylethylalmine and immediately starts feeling its loss. The resulting symptoms are very much like those of amphetamine withdrawal, primarily depression and apathy. (If you find yourself gorging on chocolate, you might be trying to cure yourself; chocolate is full of phenylethylalmine.)
Most broken hearts heal themselves in six months to a year. The anger, frustration, and hostility that follow an ended relationship will fade in time. Doing things with friends, trying new and different kinds of activities that will bring new people into your life, casual dating, maybe joining a group of people who are going through the same pain and can share their experiences all these activities help the cure. But rushing headlong into another serious relationship before youre healed will most likely bring you more pain. In order to enjoy a successful love you have to come to terms with the one thats past. You have to understand yourself and other. If you take enough time to do that and to let your broken heart mend, youll be ready to try again, and with time youll have a better sense of what youre doing. Lets face it, no matter how old we are, we can still be fools when it comes to love.
For some people, however, the pain of a broken heart does not heal with time. Their suffering is prolonged and serious, and they are unable to cope, unsure of themselves, moody, often unable to function around the house or at work. So if time does not mend a broken heart, consider help from a therapist.
Robin Westen latest book is Relationship Repair (Sterling)
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