Q&A: Dating Again after Being Widowed

Dear Dr. Betty,
I'm a widower who had a sexless marriage for the past 18 years. I'm now in a relationship with my former wife's sister whom I met again recently at my wife's funeral. The rub is that if we marry she would be giving up her Social Security money, which we need to live on. However, we don't just want to live together as it is against my moral inclinations. How do we enjoy each other sexually, live full lives, and still adhere to our religious beliefs? --T.

Dear T.,
Lucky you to have rediscovered love! But, whoa! Things are happening very quickly here. Your sexual abstinence for 18 years can drive the locomotive of your desire into uncharted territory. Remember that in all those years you've gone through normal aging processes and your sexual responsiveness may not be the same. Erections may take longer. You may require more direct physical stimulation.

First, get acquainted both sexually and emotionally with yourself and with your lady. Take a little time. Talk, share, experience each other. Have some down-to-earth discussions about values and goals for your life and your relationship. And realize that practicing sexual relations before marriage isn't as frowned upon as it was 40 or 50 years ago. In fact, for many adults, all kinds of living arrangements are acceptable.